


Textposts and Ship Wars

by watersaugustus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Tumblr, Disney, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-01 23:33:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watersaugustus/pseuds/watersaugustus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are many highlights in Eren Jaeger's life. Creating a Tumblr blog, finding out his two best friends actually have a lot more followers than him, meeting Levi, the most evil dick wad he has ever met in real life, and there's this big asshole Rivaille, who keeps fighting with him on Tumblr (which Eren had technically started first but who cares?) But, worst of all, it's that everyone's started shipping him and Rivaille on Tumblr, and not to get him wrong, he loves the attention, but the fan arts of him and Rivaille doing more than just playing Mario Kart is seriously making him uncomfortable. In a really weird way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Photography, not Hipsters

Eren woke up to the smell of coffee and pancakes, he groaned inwardly. Another morning where he had to wake up and go to school. Even though today was technically the last day, he struggled to get up from the tangle of his sheets. He shuffled to the mirror, taking a good look of himself. His hair was messy and it stuck in random areas, he had dried drool on his face and his lips were dry and cracked it seemed like they were screaming, “ _Moisturize me!_ ” at him. However, his emerald eyes were full of spirit, and he grinned. He tugged on a blue navy, the cuffs covering his whole arms, but he pushed them a few inches back. He slipped on a pair of jeans and grabbed his camera; it was a Canon EOS 6D, one he got from Mikasa for his 17 birthday, and he kept it for 1 years in a clean and pristine state.

Well, he never left without his camera. Seeing at how lazy a person he was, the last thing he thought he would ever find a interest in was photography, but when he got his new iPhone, he found out he couldn’t stop snapping pictures. Most of them were nature and random people. His hobby became his obsession and now he can’t last one minute without at least taking a picture.

He turned on his phone, swiping the last notification and entering his password. It was a message from Armin and he smiled.

 **Armin:** Eren, are you and your lazy ass up yet?  
 **Eren:**  im up wtf  
 **Armin:** Yeah, I’ll head over soon. I was just going out to buy the newspaper. Don’t eat the share of mine, or I’ll plunger you with it.  
 **Eren:**  whatever armin

* * *

“Good morning, Eren.” Mikasa smiled. Mikasa was his younger step-sister, no one really talks to her about her father.

“Hey. Pancakes for breakfast?” He settled himself down on the table and poured himself a cup of coffee with extra milk and sugar. Mikasa liked hers with just milk but Eren just couldn’t take anything bitter.

“I thought that was obvious enough for you, Can’t you smell the pancakes? Is there anything wrong with you?” Mikasa asked in a mock-worried tone.

“Sorry for trying to start a conversation, I’ll try not to choose something so obvious next time.”

“Well, yeah. But I don’t think you could, seeing how low your IQ is.”

Eren really loved his sister, but sometimes, he honestly wanted to knock her on the head with a rolling pin. That was a wanted, with a capital W. If he tried anything like that, Mikasa would kill him in less than three seconds. Sad to say, he took even longer than that to kill a fly.

“Yeah, yeah. Fuck you too.” He bit back.

Mikasa grinned, “Well aren’t you lovely.”

“Mikasa 1, Eren 0!” Armin laughed as he strolled in with a newspaper in his hand, as he dragged a chair out and sat in.

“Just for that I’m going to eat your share of pancakes.” Eren growled.

“Easy there, son. I won’t let you,” Mikasa laughed and plated two sets of pancakes.

For Eren there was a heaping stack of pancakes with a huge amount of gooey honey with a dollop of butter. Armin’s had his with blueberry jam and whipped cream. Mikasa just had it plain.

“So did you hear the news today? We’re having new seniors joining in today.” Armin said as he sliced a bit of his pancakes.

“What seniors?” Eren asked as he snapped pictures of his pancakes, angling every shot differently.

“You know how Rose University is separated into different branches right? The juniors go to Maria University; the intermediates –which are us- go to Rose University, and the seniors go to Sina University. The school got a generous donator from an unknown source so they’re renovating Sina University. It’s going to get everything. Indoor stadiums filled with basketball courts, swimming complexes. New dorms and cafeterias. At least that’s what the newspaper reported.”

“Uh huh.” Eren nodded, tuning out of the conversation. He was too busy with other stuff. Maybe if I shifted it here, the honey would look better in the different lighting?

“God, Eren are you even listening?” Eren indeed, wasn’t listening; he was talking to himself in his own head.

“You know, he’s really becoming a half-time hipster.” Mikasa commented.

Armin cackled, bringing Eren back to reality. “Wait what? What’s a hipster?”

“Oh my god, Eren. You don’t know what a hipster is?” Armin laughed, “It’s someone who’s really into fashion and photography. They usually wear tight-fitted jeans, talk about Starbucks, photoshop quotes into starry background and obsess over moustaches.”

Eren considered what Armin said, other than the fact that he liked photography and the occasional latte at Starbucks, the other wasn’t much to his interest. “I only fit into two of the things you just listed.”

“That’s why I said half-time, not full-time.” Mikasa plainly stated.

“I know! We can get Eren onto Tumblr; I mean it’s better than you posting photos on Facebook, you only get measly likes on there. Tumblr has much bigger fanbase.”

Eren could only muster up a question before he went back to taking more photos of his now soggy pancakes, “What’s a fanbase?”

# ___________________

“Eren, you got it good. I fucking hate you.” Armin shivered in the cold. “It’s the last day of school and Petra still gives us this huge load of homework. Honestly, does she not know what a break is?”

“Dude, it’s not my fault you’ve got a horrible teacher. Still, I should be happy Erwin is taking our classes. He gives us only one assignment every holiday. God bless Erwin.”

“Yeah, yeah. Shut it.” Armin was cranky after he finished his essay on the benefits of lemon. Honestly, he doesn’t even know what that had to do with the course he was taking.

“Sucks for you. Told you to join the Graphic Designer Course with me.” Eren laughed as he made a turn around the water fountain, it was the statue of two wings, one on the left side was teal blue and the right was the colour of teeth. The wings were separated for every feather and water ran down through the cracks. At different intervals, the fountain would shoot out water from behind the statue, imitating two wings, but today, the fountain was frozen.

“Well, my grandfather wanted me to join the Biomedic Course. I can’t say no.” Armin spoke softly, his face etched with pain. He hadn’t overcome his grandfather’s death. Every night he would silently mourn, sometimes he would cry. He hated himself for that, he felt weak and useless, but when he cried; Eren would crawl over his bed and shush him, rocking him against his body. He stayed up late with him until he fall asleep and Armin was grateful for that.

Eren noticed the look on his face and decided to change the topic of the conversation, “So what do you want to get at Starbucks?”

“Green tea latte.” Armin perked up at the thought.

“It’s your treat this time,”

“I pay for your drinks every time, Eren.”

“Yeah? Well I repay you by being a shitty friend.”

“At least you admitted you’re a shitty friend.”

They both laughed and pushed open the door, the smell of coffee beans hit them strongly and Armin scrunched up his nose. He was never a fan of coffee.

“Hey Eren, Armin!” Sasha shouted from the counter. She worked at Starbucks but worked was already putting it harshly. She’d never done any work, the times she uses the coffee machine it was to make herself a latte and she would always slack at a table stuffing herself with muffins. However, Connie would always cover for her but everyone knows it’s just because he has this stupid crush on her. Everyone –except Sasha.

“Hey Sasha,” Armin waved, walking to the counter. “Can I have a Green Tea Latte?”

“Yeah! And what about you Eren?”

“A Latte just for me, and I want it with-“

“More sugar and milk right? I got it. Connie! One Latte-"

“I heard them the first time, Sasha.” Connie answered and waved to the two.

Connie finished prepping both of their drinks and poured them into red cups. “Seriously, you should get Sasha to help you sometime.” Armin commented.

“If Sasha helped Connie, I think that’s the time where Jean’s dick will actually grow bigger.” Eren deadpanned.

“I heard that!” Sasha said, “Also Jean’s dick is a size 6, which I’m pretty sure is a whole lot bigger than yours.”

“Yeah, the size 6 was implanted to him through plastic surgery; I’ll bet money that his dick is smaller than a pea. Besides how would you know?”

“Well, I’m glad to say he sure did live up to his name when he was in bed.”

“That’s a joke right?”

“Enough dick insults, guys.” Armin looked genuinely pissed.

Eren was smart enough to shut up and waved goodbye to the couple and leave. “So what’s up with you?”

“What?” Armin snapped.

“You know, you being cranky. We were just joking around, Armin.”

“Yeah but it’s not funny. Next time you want to joke about Jean, do it after I’m gone.”

“Wait, what does this have to do with Jean?”

“I like him okay!” Armin shouted, “I’m gay and I think I’m in love with Jean!”

“ _What?_ ”

“That’s it. So next time you want to insult my crush in front of me, give me a fucking heads up so I won’t have to be jealous and shit, because hearing how your crush fucked some random girl is not a nice feeling.” Armin turned left, leaving Eren on the sidewalk.

# ___________________

After the fight, Eren wandered around the campus with his cold coffee, he took a sip. He heard somewhere that coffee would give you a bad stomachache if you drank it cold but right now he couldn’t care less. Thing went down to shit in just a few seconds.

First, his friend came out to being gay. Second, he had to fall in love with that horse faced jerk who he hated the most. Great, just great.

Before he knew it, he came face to face with a lamppost.

“Motherfuc-!” He yelled, and rubbed his forehead with the hand that didn’t hold the Styrofoam cup. He heard a hoarse voice laughing and turned, seeing a guy.

The guy clutched his stomach and chuckled, his eyes closed, straight heading off to a nearby lamppost.

“Look out for that-“ Eren warned, but he still rammed into it, and quite painfully at that.

“Fuck!” He swore, and another string of vulgarities that even Eren wanted to wash his mouth with two bars of soap.

“Serves you right,” Eren laughed.

“Brat, you shut up. I get to laugh at you. Besides, I didn’t just laughed at you because you knocked into the lamppost, I laughed at you because you looked miserable. Did your girlfriend dump your sorry ass?”

“No, I’m single.”

He gave a noise of displease and walked on.

“My friend came out to me.” Eren blurted. He didn’t know why he said it but he felt some sort of attraction to this man. He felt like he could trust him.

“The fuck has that got to do with me?”

“I just, well, umm…” He trailed off, “You looked trustworthy enough.”

“Brat, I have two advices for you, one: don’t trust your instinct, two: I don’t have time to listen to your shit.”

“My friend came out to me and he gets horny over this guy called Jean who I’d rather see him get shredded on a machine.”

The guy sighed and closed his eyes, annoyed. “Fine, is there anymore you want to say?”

“No, that’s just it.”

“Number one, your friend trusts you enough to come out to you. Think about that. And number two, so what if he likes this guy you hate? It’s his own choice, you can’t just go and cock-block them just because you want to desperately cut that guy’s dick off. That’s all I have to say. Also, next time, don’t openly spill your problems to some stranger.”

“I am now.” Eren retorted.

“You’re a piece of shit.” The guy sighed and turned to walk off.

“Wait, what’s your name?”

“I’m not giving my name to a stranger I just met.”

“I’m Eren Jaeger.”

He sighed and stalked off, but not before saying, “Levi.”


	2. Tumblr Famous?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's problems get worse by the moment, and only a grey-eyed, short man is willing to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comment (Yes you, Tyra.) It means a lot to a writer like me and just yeah ;u; So enjoy this chapter guys :) If you find any errors tell me, this is unbeta-ed so yeah. Also, trigger warning for rape (slight mention, not so graphic) and family abuse. Happy reading!

Eren lay in bed all day, obviously pissed off over the stuff that has happened with Armin and him. His mind replayed their conversation over and over again. 

_“I’m gay and I think I’m in love with Jean!”_

He still couldn't believe it. His friend was in love with a guy and it was someone he hated a lot. Emphasis on the _a lot_. He hated that horse face so much he wanted to skin him alive.

What if Armin was just at a stage where his hormones were raging out of control and he's dick was confused over a pair of tits or a pea-sized dick?

The situation didn't turn out to be bad however, when Levi showed up. Eren felt as if he could trust him on anything once he saw him. He was sure he wasn't gay but he couldn't stop thinking about Levi. Whenever he closed his eyes he could picture him in his head. His raven black hair, his smokey grey eyes staring at him. Honestly, Levi was the only reason why he hadn't came home frustrated and start throwing things around his room.

He didn't even know what he was so upset about, he should've be happy for his friend. Armin wasn't one who fell easily for someone, Eren would always tease how Armin was a virgin (it was only okay if Eren did that to Armin, if Armin teased him back, he would punch him in the face).

He considered it for a while and sighed. He was indeed what he'd told Armin. He was a shitty friend. If Eren had a crush and Armin constantly insulted him in front of him and discussed about his sex life, he would eat him alive. 

Wait.

_Him?_

No, no. He was wrong; his crush was definitely a girl.

 _Ugh, fuck it._ This was all messing up his mind. He felt like his head was a web brower and he had too many tabs opened and he just couldn't find the one with Levi's face and the autoplay music of Armin's voice repeating over and over again. He decided to go to bed and play a random 8tracks mix to lull himself to sleep.

# \---------------

 

"There's no more money for you!" Eren woke to Mikasa's voice, sharp and pained.

"Mikasa?" Eren muttered as he rose, opening the door.

"There's got to be! I know she gives you money every month!" Eren's father shouted, throwing a decorative urn on the floor, smashing it into pieces.

"What the fuck is going on?" Eren spoke hoarsely.

"Get back to your room, Eren." Mikasa said, her bottom lip trembling.

"Why are you back again, you fucker?" Eren shouted at his Dad, storming to him.

"Eren, don't!" Mikasa warned, "He's not worth it."

Eren ignored his sister, grabbing his Dad by the collar. He stank of alcohol and cigerattes. "We. Don't. Have. Money. For. You. Anymore."

"You bastard, you Mum died and left you two alone. If I didn't pick you guys up, you wouldn't be standing here living and breathing!"

Eren clenched his fist, "Say one more word about her, I'll fucking punch you in the dick."

His Dad laughed, "No you wouldn't. You're too scared to do it. You know why? Because you're a fucking pussy."

Eren growled, pushing his Dad back and threw a few punches at his chest, before connecting his fist with his Dad's face. 

"Motherfucker!" His Dad growled and wrestled Eren, pushing him onto the ground. He threw a punch back, connecting it to his jaw and another to his eye.

"Stop!" Mikasa screamed, holding a gun directly on her father's head. "If you do not let go of Eren right this second, I will put one right through your head."

He froze, standing up with two hands on his head, "You guys need to help me. I'm out of cash. I just need it, just a few more hundred. I'll go to the casino, and I'll earn it all back and we can buy a new house and you'll have enough money to get anything you want. You won't need to live off your Grandma anymore."

Eren tightened his jaw. "So you're  _that_ desperate for money, huh? You're fucking pathetic."

"Get out. We don't have anymore money." Mikasa said cooly.

"Both of you are fucking ingrates!" He spat on Eren and left, but not without knocking down another decorative vase.

Mikasa sighed and went to get the first-aid kit for Eren. "I told you not to be reckless when he comes home."

"He was drunk and he was breaking everything within a 5 metre radius. I can't just stand there doing nothing."

"Eren, I'm serious. What if I wasn't here next time? He could kill you."

"I don't need you; I can fight him off myself, Mikasa."

"No you can't, you know that."

"Are you calling me fucking weak?"

"Eren, no I'm not. I'm just saying you should be careful, next time when he comes here, you'll just-"

"What if I don't want to be careful? What if I want to put him in his place? He deserves it!"

"Eren! You know you can't win. That fight proved it. He pinned you down in three second flat."

"He was just lucky; I could do better next time."

"No, you listen to me! No, you  _can't_  do better next time,  _No_ , he'll never stop coming here,  _No_ , you can't ever win him because he's stronger than you and if you keep being stubborn about it, you'll die!" Mikasa shouted at him. "Eren, you're the only family I have left. I can't take it if you left me too.  _I don't want to be left alone_."

Eren opened his mouth, as if to say something but decided against it.

"And right now, you're being a stubborn ass about it and you're too dumb to see the reality of the situation so I'm going to my friend's for the weekends. You better clean your shit up after I'm back."

"Wait which friend?"

"Annie Leonhart."

"Does she go to Rose University?"

"No she doesn't, she someone I met from work. I'm leaving a few hours.  You need some time to yourself."

Eren picked himself up, not saying another word. He walked silently to his room and shut himself in before burying himself in his sheets.

He slept till the morning, and when he woke up, he didn't smell breakfast cooking.

# \---------------

Eren had to admit, he felt  _empty._ He felt lonely. He just lost his only, and best friend and his sister. He got a black-eye and his knuckle was bruised. In just one day.

The apartment felt cold, Mikasa had forgotten to turn on the heater for him. He sighed and draped a hoodie over him before he heard a knocking on the door. "Eren, are you in?"

"Yeah," He called, opening the door.

"Dude the fuck is up with your eye?" Behind it was Reiner.

"Nothing, really. What's up?" 

"Principal Hannes called for a mass gathering at the Hall. They're introducing the seniors from Shina today. Everyone who's still in campus is expected to attend, even you with the black eye." Reiner said and cringed, "Did you even apply medicine on that thing, it's banged up real bad."

"Yeah, don't worry about it." Eren deadpanned, touching his eye tenderly.

"Anyways, Let's go now. You're ready right?"

Eren nodded, slipping on his sneakers. He locked the door behind him and trudged down the road with Reiner by the side.

"By the way, where's Mikasa?" Reiner cleared his throat.

"She went to her friend's house. She won't be back until next week." 

"Oh, okay."

Their conversation died down eventually.

# \---------------

"Welcome, students. I've called you here today to inform all of you of the great news. Our seniors from Shina University have been shifted to Rose University for the time being. They're being relocated to some of your dorms for the time being, so if I call your name, please come in front to collect a form from Mr. Smith and met your new roommate." Hannes announced. 

He started calling everyone alphabetically, "Eren Yaeger,"

Eren wasn't paying attention; his mind was straying outside of reality. He was absent-mindedly chewing on his thumb, a bad habit he couldn't shake.

"Eren Yaeger!" Hannes said louder this time, snapping Eren out of his mind.

He walked towards the front to where Erwin stood, "Eren, are you okay?" Erwin asked, worriedly.

"Yeah." Eren said, taking a form, "I'm okay."

Erwin sighed, deciding not to dwell further into the subject, "Your roommate is Levi."

Eren snapped his head up to look at Erwin.  _Levi?_

"He's staying here for at least 5 months. Levi!" Erwin twisted his head to call Levi.

Levi was standing among a group of people, a female with copper brown hair, a male with shaggy untrimmed creamy grey hair, and another female with brown hair, who was wearing a pair of spectacles.

"Aww, Levi got a cute boy. I'm jealous!" The brown haired female exclaimed, her eyes shining.

"Keep it down, Hanji. It's not like I wanted the brat anyways." He walked towards their direction, letting out a low whistle once he saw how Eren looked like clearly. "The fuck happened to your eye?"

"Levi, mind your words. I'm still here." Erwin warned.

Levi let out a grunt and walked forward, before turning around. "Let's move it brat, I'm freezing my ass off." 

Eren stood frozen for a while, before frantically nodding and following Levi.

# \---------------

"So are we going to talk about what happened to your eye or are you going to give me the silent treatment?" Levi broke the ice. It wasn't his usual style, he didn't peg himself of a talker but he'd just met the brat yesterday and he'd already landed himself into trouble and got a black eye.

"I'd rather not talk about it." Eren said silently, walking back to their dormitories.

Levi sighed, taking out a stalk of cigarettes and lighting one. "You were the one who was okay with spilling your problems to a stranger yesterday."

"This is a totally different thing!" Eren shouted suddenly. "Stop calling me a fucking brat! I'm not one. Besides, I don't think you have any right to say it since you're so fucking short!"

Eren regretted his sudden outburst, but he couldn't take it back. "My dorm is just around the corner, walk straight and turn left. It's room number 104."

After saying that, he left in the opposite direction from his dorm. He needed to get out of this place, it was suffocating and every minute felt like he was trapped in a box that he couldn't get out and kept expanding. The last he heard was Levi shouting, "Where are you going?"

# \---------------

Eren walked along the sides of the paveway. He doesn't know where he is, to be honest.

Every breath hurt as he walked down the lane. Eren desperately wanted someone to help him, to comfort him.

People around him took notice of the bruise that was shown on his face and some even shot him sympathetic glances before moving off to do whatever they were doing before. Even an old granny offered to give him money, thinking he was a beggar.

Eren declined of course.

It felt like hours before he stopped at a bridge. He sat down at a bench and hissed in relieve. It felt good to rest after that long walk in the harsh weather.

His cheeks and his fingers were starting to go numb and he leaned back, letting his body go numb.

He sat there and watched the pond, freezing up every minute, he saw his breaths one out in white puffs of smoke, he saw a man walking towards him, he saw- _wait what?_

Levi was walking towards him, his face scrunched up in a bitter frown.

Eren could sense his rage radiating from the distance and he had no where to run. All he could do was sit there numbly and wait for him. Eren stared at him all the way until Levi reached him. Levi took a look at him and "tsk-ed" before reaching a hand and pulling Eren close to him. He draped his arm protectively around Eren and placed his chin on top of his head.

Eren made a startled sort of nice and Levi sighed."Did you know how worried I was, you brat?"

Eren opened his mouth to speak but Levi stopped him. "Just keep your mouth shut okay."

Eren nodded silently and burrowed his head deeper into Levi. He didn't know why he trusted such a man, and so quickly at that. He only just met Levi yesterday and he felt like he could tell him everything.

"So do you want to tell me what happened? Or should I guess?" Levi said.

Eren tilted his head and sighed. "Why do you want to know so much about me?"

Levi cocked his head to one side and his forehead crinkled in confusion. "I don't know. You remind me of myself, I guess."

Eren pulled Levi down to the bench and took in a breath before telling Levi what happened. When he reached to the point where his dad came and beat him up to a pulp, Levi scrunched his face in disgust an his eyes darkened. Eren voice cracked when he reached to the fight he had with Mikasa and Levi pulled him in for an embrace and Eren sniffed before continuing. After he was done, Levi pulled away and stroked his bad eye. "Your dad is a fucking bastard."

Eren smiled weakly and stood up. "Yeah."

"Can I ask a question?"

"Yeah, sure."

"What happened to your mum?"

Eren froze up and Levi noticed the shift in his behavior and backed off. "It's okay, I understand."

"No," Eren shook his head and swallowed, "It's okay. I promised I'll answer all your questions."

Levi nodded and leaned back towards his seat.

"My mum was a prostitute." Eren choked out, "My dad was one of her customers but he was special, my mum saw something in him. She fell in love." Eren smiled painfully. "Like every other nights, they fucked but one time, that bastard was drunk, he forgot to wear a fucking condom and he spilled his seeds into my mum and she got pregnant. That was me in her belly.

"Well, my mum was actually happy. He thought with this, my dad would marry her. One day after he came, she broke the news to him. She told me he was happy, that he agreed to marry her. All she had to do was wait for him, he wanted to be ready before they did something so serious, and she agreed.

"She started turning down customers because she wanted to keep all of her for dad. Some nights, some drunk fuckers would come and they wouldn't go. Usually they would just leave after they trashed our door and scream at her. They told her she was a fucking cunt and that she had no right to turn them down.

"Soon after, they got married and I was born. My mum didn't leave that place but with dad there, they didn't dare to fuck shit up anymore. Time passed and I was about 5? 6? Before dad had to leave for a business trip.

"One of mum's old customer obviously knew that and the night after he left," Eren paused to talk a shuddering breath, "after that night, he came knocking at the door, and when mum opened the door, he came in, grabbing her by the hair and dragging her to the bed. I woke up to the sound and I went into her bed. The guy tied her to the bed and I went in to stop him but he caught me. He bonded my hands and feet and made me watch as he raped my mum. The sounds, Levi. Oh god. The sounds she made. She cried with every thrust, and he did it three times.

"He came in her every time. My mum knew she was going to be pregnant. After, the guy left a one dollar note and left. That was how much he valued my mum. When my dad came back, he called the police and my mum was sent to the hospital along with me.

"My dad kept quiet all the way. He didn't ask me what happened, he didn't ask me who the guy was. He just sat there staring.

"After we got to the hospital and got checked up, the doctors came out to talk to my dad. My mum was pregnant. He took it all in, and he even thanked them.

"He went in to see mum, and that was when it all happened. He tried to persuade mum to abort the baby, but mum didn't want to. When he knew that persuading wasn't ping to work he shouted and screamed at her. Then he slapped her in the face. That was the first time he ever raised a hand towards my mum. I cried, and I screamed. The doctors came  in a and restrained him. The last thing he said to her before he left was that she was a fucking whore.

"Before long, Mikasa was born, she didn't look like me at all, she looked just like the bastard who raped my mum. I hated her at first, she made me remember things I didn't want to.

"After a few years, mum got diagnosed with AIDS. She called dad after she knew and she begged for him to take care us. He ignored her pleas and verbally abused her, and I punched him in the face. He was furious of course, but I called the doctors to take him out before he could do anything.

"My mum called me, and she said to me, "Eren, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you had to be born to be my kid. You deserved better. I'm so sorry you turned out like this." She apologised over and over and she had to be sedated. The last thing she said to me was, "Please take care of Mikasa for me. I love you."

"She died in her sleep. I hoped it wasn't anything painful." Eren smiled and stood up. "So now you know. I have a shitty mum and dad."

"They're not shitty, Eren."

"Why not? My dad's a drunkard who doesn't even want me in his life, and my mum was a fucking whore." He sobbed.

"Eren." Levi pulled him in, "your mum isn't a whore. She's a fucking hero. She loved you, and she was strong. She only did what she had to survive."

Eren sobbed into Levi's jacket. This was the first time he cried because of his mum. He didn't cry at her funeral. He felt despair and emptiness but he didn't cry.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He repeated over and over, and he stayed like that, burying his head in Levi's jacket in the middle of the frozen pond.

# \---------------

They managed to get home without both of them freezing their asses off. Eren showed Levi his room and he immediately went into clean it, even now, he could still hear Levi sweeping the floor.

He laughed slightly and stopped when Levi shouted, "I can hear you, you brat!"

After a few minutes, he could feel the boredom setting in and he turned on his computer. He decided to search for pictures of nature and the first search that came out was "nature on tumblr"

He'd remembered tumblr from Armin's and Mikasa's conversation yesterday.

Deciding that there was no harm done, he clicked the link and was brought to a navy blue webpage. He scrolled through the website, the pictures posted caught his interest and he scrolled up.

A pop up box appeared, prompting him to create an account, he shrugged and typed a URL and password.

"Attackonphotography," he said as he typed, "password, erenisamazing."

Once he got his email verified, he clicked a link the redirected him to his dashboard. He spent the whole night going through tutorials about tumblr and finally decided he had enough information to edit his theme on his blog. He clicked 'customization' and a tab popped out with an array of options to pick from.

Boy, he was in one hell of a long ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm watersaugustus on tumblr, you can find me there if you have any questions, see you next chapter guys. :) (Next chapter update probably in a week.)


	3. Canon ships and Disney fans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren patches things up with his friends, and has a whale of a time on Tumblr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comment (that totally saved my life) and kudos, and oh slight change to Levi's tumblr URL, it'll be humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan, and both Eren and Levi has internet names, namely Eri and Rivaille. Enjoy this chapter as well. :)
> 
> Also some light spoilers for those who haven't watched Tangled and some upcoming spoilers for Frozen. I'm basing both Eren's and Levi's interest on Disney movies so if you haven't watched one and you're confused, just hit me up and I'll try my best to explain.

It's been a week since the incident with Armin and Mikasa. Well that and he made a Tumblr blog.

Mikasa had decided to extend her stay in Annie's house for a while longer. Eren had decided not to tell Mikasa about Levi occupying their extra room. She'll flip her shit and go home straight away, and right now, he didn't want to deal with that.

Surprisingly enough, he'd managed to gain 34 new followers on his new blog. Well, he figured they were mostly from the new photography post he'd posted on his blog. It had a fair amount of notes that was too much to be called something minor but too little to call famous.

The days passed with Levi was weird in a sense, or how Levi would say, "fucking awkward as hell".

They would pass around small talk when they're eating dinner, but mostly it'd ended with Levi calling Eren a brat and Eren denying that he was a brat before retorting that Levi was the size of a fucking Big Mac.

The literal burger size, not hypothetically.

That said, it earned him a glare that was as evil as Satan itself, and a punch in the gut.

Levi decided from then on that he'd eat dinner in his bed, it was better to get his sheets dirty than spend one minute near that cockroach mutated human which is otherwise known as Eren.

Eren still haven't patched things up with Armin, though. He couldn't find him anywhere and when he would catch a glimpse of him, he was always with a certain horse-faced dipshit.

Eren sighed and turned to a TV dinner, he decided to heat up a box of pre-made pizza, even though it tasted like shit, he didn't peg himself as a good cook. He didn't want to risk being castrated by Levi for making a mess in the kitchen.

He turned on the TV while waiting for the pizza. A movie marathon of Disney movies was showing and he decided to keep the station.

Before long, his pizza was baked to perfection and he was lounging on the couch with a slice of pepperoni pizza and Rapunzel singing about her life beginning.

"I heard Tangled playing," Levi said, poking his head out of his room, "tell me that's Tangled playing on the TV."

"No Levi, it's not. It's just me singing the whole 'When Will My Life Begin'. Strange, I didn't know I sounded like Rapunzel."

"Shut it brat, scoot over." Levi said and Eren moved a few inches to allow some space for Levi without another word. "Is that pizza? And for god sake, I know it is. I'm just making sure."

"Yeah it is," Eren said, "Want one?"

"Pineapple or no?"

"Fucking hell, no. Who in the right mind would put pineapples in their pizza?"

"Weak people, that's who." Levi said taking a slice and finishing it in two bites.

Before long, they both got absorbed into the movie. Occasionally, Levi would comment on the characters and plot. Especially the part where Rapunzel and Eugene were trapped in the dam and they were going to drown to death.

Levi laughed harshly, "That part always gets me. Eugene seriously needs to get his priorities set."

"Well, I think I'll be like Eugene. I mean, her fucking hair glows? Who wouldn't be shocked?"

"Whatever that helps me to survive, I wouldn't question."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Eren scoffed and turned back to the screen.

Levi smirked and ruffled Eren's hair before humming to the tune of 'I See The Light'.

"It's funny, I didn't pegged you as a Disney fan."

"Same to you." Levi said softly

"Blame my mum, okay? She'd always borrow the soundtracks from her friends. One point, I literally had _I'll Make A Man Out of You_ stuck in my head. The funny thing is, Shang was totally not a man in the movie when he sang the song."

"What? How? General Shang is manly as fuck, okay?"

"The part where he got knocked out by Mulan? He looks at him so gayly, even Armin would look straight compared to him, and Armin is gay so that's saying something."

Levi bit back a laugh and snorted, "Jesus fuck, you're right. We really need to rent Mulan to check it back again."

"We really do. I missed Mulan in the movie marathons."

After the credits rolled in, Levi stood up. "I'm hitting the sack, besides I don't have much interest in 'The Emperor's new groove'."

"You suck."

"And I swallow too. Have a nice marathon, brat."

Eren rolled his eyes and turned to the TV after Levi had left.

He was almost through the half of his movie before his phone rang, signalling a message.

Eren swiped the screen, before singing that the text message was from Armin.

 **AA** : Are you up for skype? I know you're awake.  
 **EJ** : yeah sure

He turned off the TV and silently moved his way to his room. He turned on his laptop and plugged in his headphones and opened his iTunes, playing the first track on his list.

He logged onto Skype and click on Armin's username.

 **arminsmarz** : Hey Eren.  
 **eren_jaeger** : hey armin what up  
 **arminsmarz** : I just want to say that I'm sorry.  
 **eren_jaeger** : what no im sorry i shouldnt had yelled at u im really happy for u btw  
 **arminsmarz** : Are you joking or?  
 **eren_jaeger** : no lol u and jean r cute but mostly ure cute jean is not  
 **arminsmarz** : Jean says thanks.  
 **eren_jaeger** : wait what hold on ure with him?  
 **arminsmarz** : Yeah he's over at my house  
 **eren_jaeger** : r u srs  
 **arminsmarz** : I am.  
 **eren_jaeger** : what the fuck okay you guys are not going to do that r u???  
 **arminsmarz** : No!!!!!!! Eren what the hell he's just here as a date  
 **eren_jaeger** : wAIT WHAT? YOU CONFESSED?  
 **arminsmarz** : Yeah I did. I left that out I forgot to tell you  
 **eren_jaeger** : THATS IMPORTANT WHAT THE FUCK  
 **arminsmarz** : Calm down Eren  
 **eren_jaeger** : im calm okay im the poster boy for calmness  
 **arminsmarz** : Jeez. Yes I confessed to him he agreed and now he's here in my grandpa's house okay?  
 **eren_jaeger** : jesus fuck wow that's fast meeting ur grandparents so soon?  
 **arminsmarz** : Yeah but enough about me what about you?  
 **eren_jaeger** : oh yeah i forgot to tell u i made a tumblr  
 **arminsmarz** : WAIT WHAT?  
 **eren_jaeger** : yeah i made a tumblr  
 **arminsmarz** : THATS BIG NEWS HANG ON IM PROMOING YOU OH MY GOD  
 **eren_jaeger** : what the heck is a promoing pretty sure its not a word  
 **arminsmarz** : Just give me your URL  
 **eren_jaeger** : ok fine its attackonphotography  
 **arminsmarz** : Okay and done you might start gaining followers and ask right abouttttt now  
 **eren_jaeger** : wtf armin  
 **arminsmarz** : Check you tumblr later. I gotta go, Jean's calling me for something and we're gonna go to bed  
 **eren_jaeger** : ok and armin?  
 **arminsmarz** : Yeah?  
 **eren_jaeger** : we're good?  
 **arminsmarz** : We are don't worry  
 **eren_jaeger** : okay good night  
 **arminsmarz** : Night.  
 **arminsmarz is offline.**

Eren decided to heed Armin's advice and check his blog. Sure enough, he suddenly gained to 149 followers and he had 50 asks in his ask box.

"What the fuck, Armin?" He muttered and clicked on his ask box.

 **arminsbiggestfan asked** : Armin said that if we followed you he'll check out our blog so here I am

 **anonymous asked** : sooooo you're Armin's friend huh??? COULD YOU EXPLAIN HIS SUDDEN LOVE QUOTES TEXTPOSTS? IS HE GAY? oh my goDDDDDD

There were more but most of them were asks about how they were following Eren and questioning him about his best friend's sexuality.

__________

Levi woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing.

He groaned and picked himself up, trying to get to the door.

Where the fuck was the brat anyways? He clicked his tongue as the doorbell rang again and he slammed the door open.

"For fuck's sake you better have a good reason for waking me up. What the fuck do you want?" Levi yawned and blinked a few times at the raven black-haired girl standing at the doorstep.

"Who the fuck are you? I live here, where's Eren? What did you do to him?" The girl snapped and pushed her way into the house.

"Eren? Eren!" She called as she walked up to Eren's room and with a swift kick, knocked the whole door down.

Eren, apparently woken up by the voice, cursed loudly. "What the fuck, Mikasa? It's 8 in the morning!"

"Glad you know, I thought you were fucking murdered by the short stuff over there."

"For one, I'm not short. And two, I'm your new roommate, I'll be here for a couple of months." Levi retorted.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Eren why didn't you tell me?" Mikasa said.

"Well sorry, I figured you were at your friend's house and I didn't want you to come home yelling just because of Levi. He's safe. I trust him."

Mikasa glared at Levi, who was nowmaking a cup of coffee.

Levi returned with a cold, indifferent look and poured himself a cup before sitting on the couch and taking a sip.

"So yeah, the brat over there basically summed everything up."

Mikasa sighed. "Next time this happens, you tell me immediately."

"Yeah, yeah." Eren dismissed and studied his bedroom door. "This is the fourth time I had to change my door. And you know I hate how Jean is in charge of 104 sector's dorms. Great, now I have to explain everything to him."

"Maybe he'll let you go as an account that you're his boyfriend's best friend." Mikasa mused.

Eren made a noise, "Enough of the 'my best friend is banging with my enemy' talk."

Mikasa smiled, "Hey, come into my room. I have something for you."

Eren nodded and glanced at Levi who was shifting through some newspapers. He walked into Mikasa's room and shut the door.

"Here," Mikasa gave him a box of chocolates. "Annie said you'd like it."

"Fuck yeah, I love chocolate." Eren said and he tore off the wrapper and lifted the box to see a wide array of chocolates. "Whoever Annie is, I love her already."

Mikasa grinned, "Try one."

Eren took a circular shaped chocolate and popped it into his mouth. He could taste the toffee and a hint of alcohol.

"Annie worked in a small chocolatier and she managed to get a box so she gave it to me."

"jieese arffff armasing." Eren scoffed.

"I know,"

"So," Eren swallowed the chocolate, "About dad, I've calm downed and I thought things through. You're right I shouldn't be reckless and do things without thinking. I'll think things through before I do anything."

"Eren, I'm sorry I snapped at you. I shouldn't had done that. I understand completely how you want to protect us, I just want you to be safe."

"Am I supposed to be worried about the gun, though? It's not illegal or anything?"

"It's not even real," Mikasa laughed, "Armin gave it to me as a form of protection. It's a toy gun, so unless you count blank shots as lethal, I would say yes, that gun is illegal."

"God, I hate you."

"Love you too, little brother."

________

Well, naturally being the good sister Mikasa was, she'd endlessly promo-ed Eren on her blog and Eren had gained another few hundred from her, this time making him to one thousand. He was kind of shocked to get such a big number in two weeks, and the number of asks just keep increasing over and over.

He'd learned that Armin and Mikasa both had over 10, 000 followers on their blog and cursed them all for it but undeniably he was proud of _his_ amount of followers.

He was scrolling through his dashboard when he came over an argument over the new Disney movie, Frozen.

_honestly why the fuck is anna even in the movie she's so weak_

_oh my god you did not just say that you will fuCKING BURN IN HELL FOR THAT_

_Here's one thing you should do: go fuck yourself in the asshole because Anna's pussy game is stronger than yours you bitch_

_omg riva ^^^^^_

_TOTALLY AGREE WITH RIVAILLE_

_^^^^^^ reblogging for that_

_i fucking love you humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan_

Eren frowned and thought back to the movie he'd watched alone at 12 midnight in the cinema. Honestly he _was_ pissed of by Anna. She was too retarded and innocent for his liking. He reblogged the post and decided to add his own caption to it.

_honestly i think anna is a bit overrated in your thoughts humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan like srsly shes rlly bitchy and annoying how does one even like someone so fast and marry him in just under 12 hours_

_^^^^^ YOU SHOW THEM ERI_

_YAS ERI YASSSSSS_

_excuse me? attackonphotography? firstly let me explain to u one thing: THEIR LOVE DIDNT HAPPEN OKAY SHES JUST CONFUSED ABOUT HERSELF and secondly i respect ur opinion and all but i hope u can shove it up ur ass also lastly I don't think you should be making decisions when your theme is as bad as it looks_

_YOU SHOW HIMMMM RIVAILLE_

_thank the world for humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan_

Well fuck. Eren clicked on the link of his new made enemy and decided to send him an ask.

_the fuck do u mean my theme sucks i spent hours on it_

He suppose he could do better but right now he just needed to vent, and vent he did on Rivaille.

A few minutes later, he's answered back: _bro r u srs that theme is the love child of satan and justin bieber_

Eren growled and clicked on textpost before typing in: "humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan is a fucking dipshit"

He clicked 'post' and repeatedly refreshed his dashboard. He gained a few likes at first until Rivaille reblogged his post and added 'why must u hurt me this way'

He suddenly gained a fuck load of asks, and he clicked on inbox to find out that they were all hate mail from humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan's followers.

_oh hell naw u did not just mess with my husband_

_honey just accept that you have a horrible theme_

_are you a hipster?_

_hEARD YOU WERE TALKING SHIT ABOUT RIVA KUN BACK OFF BITCH BEFORE I PUNCH U IN THE FACE_

_surprise bitch bet you thought you've seen the last of us rivaille fangirl_

_back off before we feed ur dicks to rivaille_

_u don't fucking mess with riva and get away with it_

_u done fucked up son u done fucked up_

He answered some of the questions, but the most strangest thing was that he was actually gaining followers. He's gained 50 new followers from it.

After a few hours of answering question, he decided to answer a last question asked by ishipmyshipsthewayilikeit.

_so its canon right? eri x rivaille? omfg riri your ship name is cute as fuck_

And Eren answered the question with: what's a ship? like I know the big floating vessel but a ship what and also what's the x between me and that jerk's name???

Before long, his last post gained 80 notes, all because Rivaille had reblogged it, and added:

_oh fuck no u did not just published this on public are you trying to kill both of us?_

The last thing he was before he logged of his computer, was that he got 100 new asks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update might be in a week or so, and I'm watersaugustus on tumblr.


	4. Christmas and Dildos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did I just see a fanart of Rivaille's dick in my asshole or was it just a fanart of us playing Twister?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeeee thank u for all the comments and kudos ill try to reply to them as much as i can
> 
> honestly i feel like editing some of my chapters because wellllllll im not 100% satisfied with them so look out for that
> 
> also this is a really really reallly late christmas theme chapter i procrastinate too much im so sorry but anyways i hope you guys enjoy this chapter its longer than usual yep

It's been 10 hours since Eren posted his last ask. The ask that Rivaille said he was going to regret posting. He shrugged it off before going to bed but now as he lied on his bed scrolling through his inbox, he'd really regretted it.

Fuck his life.

_so we can safely assume you and riva are dating right?_

_oh honey an x between two names means like you + riva it means people want you together as two cute gay couple_

_A SHIP IS A COUPLE WHEN WE SAY SHIP WE MEANT THAT WE LOVE YOU GUYS TOGETHER SHIPPING RIRI FOR LIFE_

_riva said he would totally fuck u into his couch please get together_

_YOU AND RIVAILLE'S LOVE COULD CURE CANCER_

_be sure to use condom kiddos also lubricant just a hint use those strawberry flavoured ones bc riva chan is a big fan of strawberries_

_fuck you you fucking brat those fucking fangirls cant stop sending me asks about you and me_

Eren snapped his head up to read the last ask again, confirming that the sender was indeed, Tumblr user humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan.

He typed back a reply, mainly cussing Rivaille and retorting that it wasn't  _his_  fault but Rivaille's. 

He sighed, scrolling through his dashboard and reblogging a few posts. Before long, he found himself typing Rivaille's URL into the search bar and scrolling through his blog. Mostly it'd consisted of fandom posts about Disney and random textpost. Sometimes, he'd come across some textpost that Rivaille'd made himself and there was always a shitload of notes. The thing was those textposts weren't funny. 

Or maybe they were, Eren was just too much of a pussy to recognise that. He refreshed Rivaille's blog and found out that he'd posted a new textpost, on closer examination it was directed to him.

_for the last time me and eri arent dating holy shit may i die a thousand deaths if i ever even be friends with him_

Eren felt a surge of anger coursing through him. He clicked the ask button and typed furiously:  _WHO THE FUCK EVEN WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU YOURE A FUCKING BITCH AND YOU HAVE A FUCKING SMALL DICK_

Eren could've done better than just insulting Rivaille's dick size and calling him a fucking bitch, but right now he was satisfied with that simple hate mail.

He shut his laptop and climbed out of bed, taking a few steps and opening his door. He was greeted with the sight of Levi slumped on the couch with a laptop, and what a sight that was.

Levi's hair was dishevelled and stuck out in awkward angles, his t-shit rode up a few inches, revealing his white, creamy skin.

"Eren." Levi's voice snapped Eren of his apparent staring at Levi.

Eren cleared his throat, "Yeah?"

"I'm hungry, make me something."

"Why the fuck should I? You do it." Eren said, usually breakfast was made by Mikasa but she was out at her work today.

"Listen, if you want to die from food poisoning, you can go ahead and let me make anything I want. If you don't, you get your lazy ass and fry me an egg."

"Ugh, fine." Eren said and walked into the kitchen.

"And be sure to wash your hands. Also I want mine scrambled." Levi ordered before he added a small, "Thank you."

Eren almost couldn't catch the last word he'd said, but when he did he whipped around and smiled at Levi.

Levi sighed and turned back to his laptop. Eren thoroughly washed his hands clean and he took out a few eggs. He'd beat two and kept the other two because he liked his sunny side-up.

He toasted four slices of bread and popped a few pieces of bacon strips into the oven while the eggs were frying in the pan. Before long he plated out two dishes of eggs, toasted bread with melted butter and bacon strips.

"So coffee's okay for you?" Eren asked, and Levi nodded. He poured two mugs of coffee and added milk to both of theirs, with a packet of sugar.

After he's done, Eren calls Levi in for breakfast and Levi shuts his laptop before taking his seat on the dining table.  
  
His gaze swept along the table, observing the food Eren has cooked, and deemed it ready before taking a bite of his eggs.  
  
Eren held his breath, his eyes never leaving Levi's face, trying to decipher whether or not his cooking was a pass or fail.  
  
Eren caught Levi frowning, the middle of his forehead forming a crease and his mouth curling downwards. Eren closed his eyes, expecting Levi to go all Gordon Ramsay on him but instead all he received was a, "Holy fuck, how can eggs taste so good?"  
  
Eren opened his eyes, "What?"  
  
"This is really good, oh my god. You are going to cook for me every day." Levi said before catching himself, "I mean, these are pretty good, for a brat at least."  
  
Eren gave a short laugh and stabbed his bacon before stuffing it into his mouth. "Yeah, yeah. You don't need to go all serious-Levi mode on me now."  
  
Levi smirked, and lifted his mug in a way Eren thought was uncomfortable to say the least, and chugged down his coffee.  
  
Levi coughed and spit it back into the mug.  
  
"Did you burn your tongue?" Eren asked.  
  
"What the actual fuckery is this? Did you seriously just put milk and sugar into my coffee?" Levi snapped.  
  
"Yeah. That's how I take it."  
  
"Not everyone takes coffee the same as you do."  
  
Eren frowned, "Well, how the fuck would I had known? You didn't say anything. You said, and I quote, cook me breakfast or I'll fuck you hard in the ass, with no lube, unquote."  
  
"I did not say that, I think you meant, If you want to die-"  
  
"I do not give a midget fuck what you'd said."  
  
Levi sighed, "Just, forget it. I'll go and make a fresh cup."  
  
Eren suddenly found a big interest in a crack on his wooden table, and he hesitantly picked up his mug, the way Levi did.  
  
He didn't know if he'd did it to spike Levi or if he'd was generally interested in mimicking Levi to see of it was humanly possible to drink like that.  
  
So far, Eren had successfully picked up the cup and lifted it to face-level. All he had to do now was tilt it back and drink.  
  
He slanted the cup, eyeing the coffee at the corner of his eyes, and before he knew it, Levi reached a hand and lifted the cup, titling it backwards and the coffee drained out from the small opening and through Eren's fingers. Eren gave a startled gasp and closed his eyes instinctively. Luckily the coffee was lukewarm. he chocked and slapped Levi's hands away and stood up, coffee dripping from his face.  
  
"What the fuck was that for?" Eren choked and Levi laughed hard, clutching his stomach.  
  
"Oh my god, you should see your face now." Levi gasped between spasms of laughter and picked up a clean rag.  
  
He grinned, lifting Eren's head up with a pale finger before dragging the rag over his face, cleaning the coffee stains. Or should Eren say ,puddles.  
  
"Fuck you." Eren growled.  
  
"Sure, but this time do it with lube." Levi mocked and ran the rag over Eren's hair until it was semi-dry.  
  
"Great, now I smell like coffee. Mikasa is going to kill me for this."  
  
Levi let out another small chuckle and sat back down with his coffee. "You're lucky it was me who did that to you, if it wasn't me, I would kill you. You're so disgusting right now."

"Who's fault was that?"

"Whatever. Just remember I take mine without anything."  
  
"Sure, your highness." Eren bit back.  
  
Levi rolled his eyes and picked up the stack of newspapers on his right, thumbing through the pages.  
  
Every once in a while, he would look back up at Eren, and Eren would make a face every time, determined to make Levi laugh again.  
  
He'd managed to get a harsh laugh from Levi when he'd looked up the 16th time (not like Eren was counting or anything) and his heart did that weird fluttering feeling and he'd immediately frowned in confusion.  
  
Levi noticed the shift in his emotions and raised an eyebrow in question, but didn't bother to ask any questions.  
  
Eren went back to his breakfast again, and managed to finish it in 2 minutes flat. He dunked the dishes in the sink and promised Levi he would wash them when he's finished with breakfast. Levi nodded, only this time he was using his phone, probably using a app or something.  
  
Eren strolled into his room and booted up his computer again, immediately typing in a "T U" in the search bar before pressing enter. He was immediately brought to the navy blue screen and he scrolled through his dashboard for any new notifications. He'd found out he got 30 more new messages and another 56 new followers.  
  
He clicked the message icon and scrolled through his messages.  
  
 _"what's the x between me and the jerk's name" oh my god I'm laughing never stop being naive_  
  
 _hi um eri pls check out my new fanart? it's of u and riva kun so yes here's the link: ....._  
  
 _I WROTE A FANFIC OF U GUYS BC IT HAD TO BE CANON ONE DAY CH-CH-CHECK IT OUT_  
  
 _WOWIE u guys are so kawaii do u speak to rivaille like 'senpai pls notice me'  im laughing so hard stop_

 _CHECK THE #RIRI TAG ON TUMBLR OH MY GOD JUST DO IT ERI_  
  
Eren checked the link first, and made a noise when he saw what it was. Rivaille was sticking his dick into a part of Eren that he was sure wasn’t meant for a dick to go and cringed. The artist didn’t draw his face, since they never know what he looked like and she just drew the body and for the face she’d slapped on Eren’s Tumblr Icon, the same goes for Rivaille.

He refreshed his dashboard again and saw that he had a few more asks

_u guys r so kawaii pls marry and have babies and name them chibi eren and chibi levi_

_eri do u masturbate to the thought of riva chan_

_I do not have a small dick shut the fuck up u know what u r a fucking inbreed wow_  
  
The last message was a reply from Rivaille, and Eren hissed in anger. So that's how he wants to play it.

Eren went through all the links, the fanarts, the fanfictions. All of them, and he'd reblogged them all.  
  
He laughed mentally to himself, and created a new textpost.  
  
 _guys great news hahah wow me and rivaille are Internet dating!_  
  
The post had gained 104 notes in just five minutes.  
  
"Fuck!" Eren jumped at the sudden shout Levi yelled from outside and dismissed it. Levi probably just remembered he had something to do that was due today.

Eren scrolled through the notes, the people who'd reblogged his post had added captions to his post and he couldn't stop laughing mentally. Oh boy, Rivaille was in for a treat.

_OH MY GOD IS THIS FUCKING REAL_

_IM FUCKING SCREAMING RIRI IS REAL GOD IS REAL MIRACLES DO HAPPEN_

_SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SO HAPPY IM SO FUCKING HAPPY I CANT BREATH_

_im dying is this the real light_

Eren laughed silently, and refreshed his dash to check the new notes his post got. Rivaille had reblogged it already, making it to 508 notes.

 _ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS BRAT_ , Levi had written on Eren's post and he smirked.

He went to his ask box and typed in a message.

 _oh riva dear i love u so muchhhhhh_  

He'd even clicked the 'follow' button to follow Rivaille, and he laughed again. He waited for Rivaille's reply and long enough, Rivaille had replied with a:

_im going to kill you_

Eren could literally hear Rivaille groaning from the other side of the screen, and Eren couldn't help but grin.

He decided to reblog a few more posts before deciding to quit from Tumblr. It was 2 pm and suddenly Eren heard a sharp rapping at his door.

"Open up, brat!" Levi hissed.

Eren scrambled from his bed, pressing the lock to open the door, and when he did Levi burst in and shut the door.

"What happened?" Eren asked worriedly, Levi was flustered and he looked panicked and annoyed. Or Eren could sense how he felt because Levi's face was in his usual cold, hard look.

"Did you tell anyone I lived here? Especially a brunette who usually tied her hair in a pony tail?" 

"What? No, I didn't."

"Then how the fuck did she found out where I lived?" Levi muttered to himself.

"Is someone outside? Is she a stalker? Should I chase her away?"

"What? No, no. She's my friend. I just don't want to talk to her right now."

"Why?"

"Because it's my birthday tomorrow and she's going to make me wear this, ridiculous, titan sized Christmas hat." Levi spat.

"Whoever she is, I like her already."

"Shut up, brat." 

"Okay, just let her in."

"She's not going to come next to me with that Christmas hat in her hand."

Eren sighed, "Okay, stay here. Don't touch anything." 

"I don't plan on it, your room looks to filthy." Levi looked around, and Eren groaned and left before Levi decided to ask him to stay and probably clean his room until his satisfied.

The doorbell was ringing repeatedly, and Eren shouted a, "Coming!"

He opened the door and a brunette greeted his sight.

"Hey! You're Levi's roomate right?" She grinned, holding a big Christmas hat on her hand, it was blaring with red Christmas lights and the sides were taped with reindeer antlers that was adorned with flowers and it was plastered with glitter glue. On her other hand was a big plastic bag.

"Yeah, I am." Eren said slowly.

"Let me in!" She huffed, squeezing herself in. 

She took a seat in the living room and placed the Christmas hat gingerly on the coffee table. "So, I'm Hanji. Levi's best friend."

"She's not!" Eren heard Levi called out from his room.

"Am so!" Hanji replied.

Eren smiled, "I'm Eren."

"Hi Eren! So you know tomorrow is Levi's birthday right. I was thinking maybe we could decorate the room with Christmas and birthday decor."

"Sure, but I don't know what Levi would feel about it though."

"Who cares?" Hanji said, already taking out her decorations from the big plastic bag. "We do this all year. The seniors has this competition where the dorm with the most prettiest Christmas trees wins a one hundred dollar voucher to Target."

"Target? A hundred dollars?"

"Per person." Hanji confirmed.

"I'm in, I'm so in." Eren said, immediately taking a string of Christmas lights.

Hanji squealed, "You heard that, Levi? Even your boyfriend said yes!"

Levi growled, "He's not my boyfriend, shitty four eyes!"

Hanji giggled and walked back to the door, and hoisted a Christmas tree into Eren's house. 

Eren blinked, studying the tree. How did he not notice the tree on his doorsteps when he opened the door?

Hanji placed it at a corner, and started winding Christmas lights around the tree. 

"Eren! Get on your lazy ass and help me!" Hanji joked and Eren started sorting through the decorations. He took out a box, and opened it, taking out the things inside and immediately dropped the whole box when he knew what was inside.

"Eren!" Hanji said, "That cost me four dollars, geez."

"Tell me that's not dildos." Eren deadpanned.

"Yeah, it is!" Hanji grinned, "No one will come up with such an incredible idea, we'll be taking down that prize for sure!"

Eren shivered, "Nobody puts dildos on a Christmas tree."

"Exactly why we're doing it." Hanji hanged a dildo on a branch. 

Eren closed his eyes. " _I'm doing it for the vouchers."_   He chanted.

He hesitantly took the decorations and hung it on the branches. 

"Sooooooooooooo, did you and Levi did the do?"

"What?" Eren swallowed, "No!"

"That's a shame, you were kinda his type."

"I am?" Eren said slowly.

"Yeah," Hanji winked and laughed. "Do you like him?"

Eren shook his head.

"You're interested in him as well." Hanji announced, placing a purple, shiny dildo on top of the Christmas tree. 

"Seriously, I'm not." Eren choked, taping a 'Merry Birthday" banner on the wall.

"That's not what your dick told me."

Eren snapped his head down to his crotch, making sure that little Eren didn't somehow rise up to greet Hanji.

"I don't get it." Eren said, finishing up the last touches.

"Well, believe me I've seen many dicks in this lifetime and the last so I should be able to tell. Your dick is full of sexual tension, sometimes you just need to go and just take it and twist it a little and pump it around and move your hand. It's good exercise for your hands and your dick." Hanji said seriously.

Eren made a noise and buried his head in his hands. "Levi wasn't wrong about you." He wanted to dig a hole and bury himself. He would rather hear Morgan Freeman talk him through masturbation than Hanji.

"Levi's made a lot of wrong decisions in his life but I am not one of them." Hanji teased and sat down on the couch. "Levi! Come out and see the tree!" 

"Not until you go." Levi replied curtly.

"I'm not going anywhere; I brought your Christmas present and birthday present."

"Pretty sure they're dildos." Levi said.

"I stole them from my shop, Erwin said okay!"

"Fuck Erwin in the head." Levi groaned.

"They're not really dildos, by the way." Hanji added.

"Damnit." Levi said and unlocked Eren's door.

"Christmas present first," Hanji said, "The magical words, Levi."

Levi sighed and turned to Eren, "Cover your ears."

"Why should I?" Eren asked.

"Just do it." Levi ordered and Eren sharply lifted his arm to his ears.

"Hanji, for the love of magical bronies and dildos everywhere, please bless me with your gifts." Levi said.

"Good." Hanji grinned and placed two presents.

"Okay, you're good." Levi beckoned for Eren to lift off his arm and Eren did so.

"You know I could still hear what you've said."

"Do not repeat it or I will make you dress up in a maid costume, brat."

"That's actually a good idea! Erwin would love it, and he might give us bonus points." Hanji said.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." Eren repeated, backing off into the couch, "Don't even think about it."

"Speaking about maid costumes, I brought a really sexy Santa costume." Hanji grinned sheepishly and turned to Levi.

Levi's face fell, "Oh hell, no."

"Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." Hanji begged, "Eren could wear the costume, and you could sing!"

"No." Levi replied.

"Levi." Hanji said sternly.

"Fuck no." 

"You could sing 'Let it Go", I don't care, I even bought the Christmas decorated stage." Hanji whined.

"Still, no."

"Eren promised he would wear the costume," 

"I did not." Eren chimmed in and Hanji gave him a death glare and he shut up.

"You could even get him in a dildo costume and I still wouldn't budge."

Hanji sighed, "I didn't want to go to this part of the plan but you left me with no choice. Levi it's either you're going to sing on Christmas, or you're going to wear that Christmas hat, and I'll upload all your baby pictures on Tumblr."

Eren perked at the mention of Tumblr and Hanji took out her phone and scrolled until she found Levi's baby photo. "And just to prove I'll really do it, Eren look at Levi's photo!" Hanji squealed and shoved her phone into Eren's hands.

Levi gave a cold glare to Eren but it didn't work Eren had already see tiny Levi in a bath tub, smiling like a idiot with foam applied at his 'certain' areas.

Eren couldn't help but mutter a cute.

Levi stared at him, his eyes wide and coughed loudly and Hanji squealed 

Levi took a pillow and throtled it at Hanji and Eren and he took Hanji's phone from Eren, but not before slightly brushing his hands on the edge of Eren's palm and Eren shivered invountarily.

"I hate both of you." Levi hissed and deleted the photo.

"I still have that saved in my computer, Eren, I'll send it to your phone later." Hanji yelled and got up. "For now, I'm going back to my dorm. Have fun calling each other cuties!"

"Wait how do you have my phone number?" Eren shouted but Hanji didn't hear, or she did but she didn't reply.

"She knows everything." Levi said. 

* * *

"Remind me again why I'm wearing this costume?" Eren said as he squeezed into the tiny Santa costume. It was blaringly red and the dress got smaller at the bottom, emphasising his ass.

"Because you're being my backup dancer, and besides that costume makes your ass look amazing."

Eren's breath hitched at his throat and he felt the familiar warmth at this cheeks.

Levi smirked and pulled Eren close to him, taking a selfie of both of them, without Eren's first-hand noticing.

"Oh my god, delete it, delete that photo, Levi!'

"Nope." Levi shrugged and locked his phone, slipping it into his pocket. "Now we both have photos we don't want the world to see."

"You're being a dick."

"I don't care." Levi grinned and stood on the stage the Eren had assembled before then. "Now get on this stage, we don't have much time before Erwin comes."

"What am I supposed to do?" Eren squeaked, following Levi.

"Just... dance." Levi replied.

"How?"

"I don't know, just take a big, shiny purple dildo and dance with it." Levi grabbed a nearby dildo.

"No way. Get that thing away from me. I will scream if you touch me with it."

"Fine, just stand there while I sing."

"Whatever, go do your job, you gay ass shit."

"Shut up." Levi snapped and stood on the stage.

As on cue, Hanji burst in with Erwin, "HIIIII LEVI!!!!!"

"Someone shut that shitty four eyes up before she goes on and sings a christmas jingle or something. I swear it'll leave four dead and twelve wounded."

"No it won't, Levi!" Hanji whined.

"Last I check, my eardrums were bleeding when you sang 'Happy Birthday' to me last year, I think it's still bleeding now."

"Alright, you guys. I have ten more extra dorms to grade, keep it down a little, will you?" Erwin said sternly, but Eren could see the warmth in his eyes. 

"Right. So this is Eren's dorm with Levi. It looks... pretty good." Erwin hesistated on the last few words when he saw the Christmas trees adorned with dildos. "Wow. Umm, so what do you have in mind for us?"

Levi let out a low chuckle, "I'm going to sing."

"Okay, we're getting somewhere." Erwin said and took a stool to sit with, but not before gingerly taking off the purple dildo on it. Eren had not seen someone looked so disgusted with a dildo as much as Erwin did.

The music started and Levi took a deep breath before singing the first few stanzas.

Eren was eargasming. He was sure of it.

Levi's voice was mellow, mildly low and warm. The chorus of the song gave him chills and his face was warm again and he had heart palpitations just looking at Levi.

God, was he  _in love_  with Levi?

No, no.

He wasn't.

But the erection in his pants were telling him a different story.

After Levi was done, Erwin and Hanji both clapped but only Eren stared stupidly. 

"Oi, brat. At least say something." Levi said, turning to Eren.

"Um." Eren answered.

"Is that an erection?" Hanji chimmed in and Eren turned beet red.

"What the fuck, Eren?" Levi said, looking at his crotch.

"I'm going to go." Erwin announced, clearing his throat and Hanji followed but not before saying, "Use protection kiddos!"

"I'm so sorry oh my god Levi I didn't mean it I just I don't know oh my god it just came up out of nowhere I'm so sorry I swear."

"Eren,"

"I don't even know why I would have a boner honestly who even gets off from 'Let it Go'-"

"Eren."

"I- what?"

"Just go fix that, brat." Levi points below.

Eren blushes again and stammered for an answer but he could only manage to give the bird to Levi before going to the toilet.

* * *

 "You took longer than usual." Levi commented as Eren walked out of the bathroom.

"Shut the fuck up," Eren mouthed and sat on the couch next to Levi.

"I usually take about five minutes before I come, you took about thirty minutes or so." 

"That's because you have premature ejaculation. You should get your dick checked, you know."

"Whatever, brat. Says the one who just got an erection over me."

"Technically it's your voice, not your face, or your attitude."

Levi smirked in response and flipped through the book he was reading.

"Oh shit, what time is it now?" Eren said and Levi looked at him weirdly.

"It's 11:57 p.m, why?"

"Good," Eren jumped off the couch and went into his room. He searched for something giveable to Levi and settled with a black scarf. 

"So Levi, happy birthday!" Eren smiled, plopping the scarf on his lap.

"What the fuck is this?" Levi asked.

"A scarf, you wrap it around your neck."

Levi wounded it around his neck and he smiled. 

_Smiled._

It wasn't like any smiled he had gave Eren, honestly Eren would pay good money to see that smile again.

"Thanks, Eren." Levi whispered. 

"N-no big deal. Just don't get all sappy with me now. It's weird."

"I hate you, you brat." Levi smiled again and looked up at Eren, "Really, thank you so much."

"Yeah, you don't have to say it again, Levi." Eren laughed. "Well, it's late. I'm going to bed. See ya."

"Goodnight, Eren."

Eren reddened again at Levi's words and ran all the way back into his room.

He opened his Tumblr and made a textpost.

_i think i might have a stupid crush on someone_

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING WITH THE ERECTION SCENE HOLY SHIT IDEK KILL ME NOW just no i wanted to write the masturbation scene but idk man idk should i?????
> 
> you can find me at watersaugustus on tumblr and i track the tag #fic: textposts and ship wars and #textposts and ship wars ily all okay idhwpeifhrpifh


	5. Starbucks and Morse Codes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren goes to Starbucks to study for his exams. Trouble ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH FINALLY CHAPTER 5. I'm so sorry for the late chapter. Very very very late chapter... I think we even passed our one month anniversary mark or something oh my god
> 
> And as always, thank you for the comments and kudos. You guys are the best ;u; it made me want to write more
> 
> It's the holidays now and I'm pretty sure I can squeeze in more chapters and stuff, so bare with me and thank you as always for supporting my works :)))) it means a lot to me
> 
> tbh this chapter is just a whole conversation i just i cant even, HOW DO U WRITE?????

"GOD DAMNIT EREN IF YOU DO NOT OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW I WILL KICK IT DOWN AND PERSONALLY CUT OFF YOUR DICK."

"SHUT UP MIKASA, I'M TAKING A BIG DUMP. AND IT CAN'T COME OUT."

"EREN, I SWEAR TO GOD. WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT EATING YOUR VEGETABLES?"

"MIKASA, THE LAST THING I NEED IS A-"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU NEED, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. IT'S 10 A.M AND PEOPLE NEED TO SLEEP HERE."

"SHUT UP, LEVI. I NEED PEACE AND QUIET TO TAKE A SHIT."

"YOU SHUT UP BRAT, OR I'LL PERSONALLY GO DOWN THERE, STICK TWO FINGERS UP YOUR ANUS AND PULL IT OUT FOR YOU."

"THAT'S JUST GAY."

"SINCE WHEN DID I SAY I WAS STRAIGHT?"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP. LEVI GO BACK TO SLEEP. EREN, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU 10 MINUTES IN THERE. YOU BETTER HURRY UP."

"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, MIKASA."

"EREN, DON'T MAKE ME GO IN THERE."

After that major scream fest that the trio had in the morning, Eren came down with a sore throat and a pulsing anus.

"How was your shit?" Mikasa asked crudely.

"Fine, thank you."

"Whatever. Just know if I get kidney stones because of this, you're so dead."

"Mikasa, you can't just get kidney stones from the first time you've held your pee."

"What about kidney stones and pee?" A voice called from the door and Eren titled his head up.

"Armin!" Eren jumped and hugged him.

"Hey Eren," Armin said, hugging him back. "What was that peeing thing about?"

Eren huffed and narrowed his eyes at Mikasa, "You see, Mikasa was urgent-you know how she just loves to drink three cups of water before she sleeps- and I was in the dire situation of trying to shit, and she was banging on the door and threatening to cut off my dick if I didn't come out, and I was trying so hard to be nice to her so I was trying to shit as hard as I could but no matter what, the shit just wouldn't come out , and you know how it feels when you have unshitted shit stuck in your anus, and how uncomfortable it feels when you stand up with it, so of course I told her to need more time and she lectured me on eating my vegetables."

"Now Mikasa, that wasn't so nice of you," Armin teased, "You know Eren doesn't work well under pressure."

"He was taking a long time, and when he came out, he was holding a gay porn magazine. I would say he wasn't constipated, but you were just simply jerking off to two guys slobbering in each other's faces." Mikasa said calmly.

"That isn't true!" Eren protested, "I don't even have a porn stash."

Armin laughed, "Looks like the members of the jury has come to a verdict. Eren Jaeger, convicted of taking too long to shit!"

Eren frowned at Armin and Armin laughed again before trying to hug Eren.

"NO I DON'T WANT YOUR HUGS, YOU BETRAYER!" Eren shouted.

"Oh, c'mon Eren. There's nothing a little hug can or cannot solve." Armin looked at Mikasa and extended an arm out to her.

Mikasa grudgingly accepted the hug.

"Armin used 'Hug', it was super effective!" Eren whispered.

"There. Now we're one one big family..." Armin said.

"Armin, don't-" Eren pushed away from him.

"I love you, you love me, we are one big family..."

"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you-"

"Won't you say you love me too?" Levi groaned from behind.

"Good morning, Levi!" Eren greeted, looking at Levi. His face was still the same angry, neutral expressi n he always had, but his grey irises were dark and foreboding.

"Eren let me ask you a question." Levi said quietly.

"Yeah, Levi?"

"Does this look like a 'good morning' to you? Does it?"

"... It does?"

"That's it, you brat. I will personally drag you to your own fucking grave. You woke me up at 10 in the fucking morning, you piece of shit."

"But the early bird always gets the worm..."

"Do I look like a bird to you, huh?"

"No, Levi, that's a figure of speech-"

"I'll show you whats a figure of speech when I shove a knife up your ass."

"Who is he, Eren?" Armin asked, turning to Levi." Are you a male stripper that Eren hired?"

"What the shit, Arm'?"

"No," Levi said, "But he got a erection over my hot voice."

"Levi, stop adding fuel to the fire." Eren groaned.

"Wow, but why Eren? I mean his green eyes are pretty beautiful but he doesn't have a body like Channing Tatum and he has a small dick."

"Doesn't really matter, he's not the one who's shoving it in me anyways, it's quite the opposite."

"Interesting." Armin stared at Levi, and particularly that area.

"I'm leaving. This is too much gay talk for me to handle, I'm going to go to Annie's."

"Okay, bye Mikasa." Eren sighed.

"Well, you know they do always say that the smaller you are, the bigger you are, but holy fuck, it's true?"

"As long as Eren thinks I'm big enough, I'm okay." Levi snickered.

"Mikasa, on second thought, bring me with you." Eren yelped.

"No, Eren. You belong where the sexually frustrated homosexuals are." Mikasa said in a mono-tone.

Eren had never felt so alone in his whole life.

* * *

The smell of coffee trickled into Eren's nose as he breath in the scent of Starbucks, he frowned as he recalled what happened in the morning with Levi and Armin. Armin had went back to meet up with Jean, again, for the god knows how many dates and times they've spent sucking each other's dick. Eren decided to go to Starbucks to study for his major upcoming exams after school reopens, mainly french because french is a big pain in the ass. Levi tagged along and Eren was totally against that ode because he wanted to pick up some hot white blondes, but thought that picking up girls would also interfere with his studying, but then again, he was supposedly gay so he should be picking on hot studs instead, and ugh, did he just seriously said the word stud? And he just decided that both was good. Both studying and admiring asses. Until another thought hit him like a blue turtle shell hit his kart every time in Mario Kart. He was kinda in love with Levi.

He spared a glance at him.

Okay, maybe not kinda.

"What? Do you need to take a dump?"

Okay, maybe it was a lot. Like a full on Titanic or 'Shoujo Manga romance bullshit Jean sometimes liked to read', sort of crush.

Oh boy was he fucked. In the ass. With a rainbow dildo. With its vibrator turned on.

"Remind me again why I'm here with you?" Eren sighed.

"Because I need to study in a conducive environment." Levi said as he chose a seat and sat down.

"Whatever you say, King of the 'Stick in my asstitude'."

"Asstitude?" Levi narrowed his eyes.

"You know, personality that much like an ass."

"Shut up and just buy me a Latte."

"I thought you said you didn't drink coffee without milk or sugar."

"Sometimes I also let people fuck me in the ass, now just go and order what I said." Levi bit back.

"Stop being such a jerk with a crude mouth, okay?"

"I'm sorry, that's just my asstitude, which, by the way, I was born with."

"I hate you." Eren muttered but he went anyways. Liking Levi was hard.

"Hey Connie, can I have a Tiramisu Frappe with extra cheese flavored cream? And a Latte." Eren said as he walked to the counter.

"Yeah, coming right up!" Connie smirked, "By the way what names should I write both for?"

"For the Tiramisu, just my name, for the Latte, make it Gay Voldemort."

"O...kay?" Connie said as he wrote the names on the cup. "That's all?"

Eren nodded.

"It totals up to $11.25." Connie said and reached out a hand for the money.

"Whatever, just put it on my tab." Eren said as he took out his wallet, and finding it empty.

"You don't have a tab here," Connie sighed, "Besides that's the second time you've said it."

"Do your best friend a favor, Connie. I saved you with that photo of that cute cat and like an ass load of cake when you forgot it was Sasha's birthday."

"That's also the second time you've used that threat, Eren."

"Is everything okay?" Oh god, that voice. That voice.

"Captain Banana Eyebrows- I mean, Erwin, sir. No there isn't, um. Yeah." Eren mentally smacked himself in the head. Captain Banana Eyebrows?

"No, don't you even dare walk away, Jagermister. You owe this shop $22.85." Connie sighed.

"Since when did I- ? You said it yourself it was $11.25."

"Yeah, but plus your other tab too."

"I detest you, Connie Springer."

"What is detest?"

"I don't know, but this boss said it during one of the boss battle I had in Dark Souls, so yeah. It's cool."

"It means, hate in a fanciful term. And I'll pay for Eren over here. Nothing that I can't afford." Erwin chuckled.

Wow, that was a low blow.

"Thanks, it's nice having a rich customer over for once." Connie beamed.

Oh.

"You flatter me." Erwin took out a crisp fifty note from his wallet.

Being humble is not helping you, Captain Banana Eyebrows.

"Thanks, Mr Erwin." Eren forced a smile and stalked away.

"Eren? Eren? With your Tiramisu, double cheese cream frappe?" A voice called from the counter. Eren realised that it was a different barista this time around, and walked to the counter to pick up his beverages.

"It's Cheese flavored cream, dick wad." Eren snapped.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. It's my first time here. And you're my first drink, actually." The barista said.

"Oh. That doesn't make me necessarily happy," Eren commented, taking a sip. "But it's actually good."

"Really?" The boy brightened up, "Thanks."

"No problem." Eren smiled. "What's your name?"

"Marco, Sophomore, majoring in Literature and Scriptwriting."

"Oh. That's gotta be tough. Having Pixis as your teacher."

"What about you?"

"Eren, freshmen. Did you move here due to the renovation works?"

"Yeah, and that's how I got the new job. Connie's a pretty good co-worker."

"What's taking so long, honey?" Levi said in a sing-song voice and draped a arm over Eren's shoulder.

"L-Levi?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, you must be, Gay Voldemort." Marco handed him the cup.

"What?"

"That's what it was wrote on the cup."

"Yeah, whatever. Thanks." Levi snatched the cup from him and pulled Eren along.

"I'll see you later, Eren!" Marco grinned.

"Um, okay. Yeah." Eren stammered as Levi dragged him.

"What the fuck? What's wrong with you?" Eren took a swig of his frappe. Oh that cheese. God bless.

"You were taking a long time, so I came to get you."

"Well sorry, just trying to make friends so I could maybe get a discount for extra cheese flavored cream next time."

"You're such a poor ass."

"Says the one who's squeezing money out from said poor ass."

Levi dismissed Eren by taking a swig of his Latte with the weird hand thingy. Honestly, how is he drinking like that?

"Oh, hey Erwin." Levi waved.

"Hey, Levi. And Eren." Erwin smiled.

"Hey." Eren said.

"What's up?" Levi asked.

"Nothing, just checking on my two students." Erwin ruffled Eren's hair.

"I'm not your student anymore." Levi said plainly.

"Yeah, I guessed as much. How is university life treating you?" Erwin laughed.

Could this be even more awkward? Eren squirmed further into his chair, taking a small swig of his frappe. At least cream cheese is here, cream cheese will always be here for him.

"Pretty good, intern work should be starting soon when the university finishes the renovation works."

"I see." Erwin zipped up his jacket, "Well, got a lot of papers to mark, so I gotta go now. See you boys soon."

"Bye, Erwin." Levi turned his attention back to the computer. "What's up with you?

"Nothing." It's just. You seem really close with Erwin."

"Not again." Levi sighed.

"What?" Eren asked, annoyed. Why was he annoyed anyways? Erwin and Levi was just talking to each other about their futures, well technically Levi's future, so why was he angry? Also, take in the fact that Erwin was his most favourite teacher in the whole school but since there knew that Levi knew Erwin he was usually uncomfortable or jealous of him.

"Just to be clear, me and Erwin aren't a thing. We aren't fucking each other okay? I have enough questions about whether I'm sleeping with my foster uncle or not."

"What? I wasn't going to ask that."

"Yes you were."

"Okay fine, I was." Eren huffed. "Besides, I didn't know that he was your uncle. I don't know anything about you."

He'd told Levi basically everything about himself, his mum, his dad. Everything. But he didn't know anything about Levi, his birthday, his parents, his relatives, heck, even his favourite colour.

"What, you want to know everything about me now? Just because you have a little boner over me doesn't mean that I have to tell you everything."

"I'm not, I just want to know more about you. We're friends, I care for you."

"Stop turning this into a 'brofest'. I don't have anything to say, I don't have anything I want to tell you."

"Well that isn't fair, now is it? I told you everything about my family, you should at least reprocicrate the act by telling me something about you."

"I already said I don't want to talk about it."

"But-"

"Eren." Levi said through his teeth. "You are treading on some mighty fine thin ice here."

"Well, forgive me for asking, Mr Grumpy Pants." Eren huffed, trying to lighten the mood.

"It's grey." Levi answered simply.

"Huh?"

"My favorite colour. It's grey. At least that's something."

* * *

After a whole four hours of studying, or what Eren would like to call it, "Pain and suffering", Eren finally put down his pencil. He knew he shouldn't had took French as an elective module. He wanted to take Japanese but it would just make him look like a dumb weaboo.

"Hey, you're still here?" Marco smiled as he left the counter.

"Yeah, French is being a big bitch."

Marco laughed, and it was those kind of laughs Eren loved. It sounded like trickles of sunshine and warmth, with just a touch of shyness. "I'm so glad I took German as a elective module then."

"Oui, Monsieur." Eren teased.

"Oh yeah, talk more french to me, it's turning me on so much."

"You're either making me uncomfortable or happy, depends on how I take it."

"I understand the uncomfortable part, but the happy?"

"Because it sounds like you're complementing me," Eren grinned.

Marco laughed again, "Oh yeah, where was the guy that came with you?"

"Levi? Mr stick-in-my-asstitude?"

"Gay Voldemort, yes, him."

"He had some business he had to take care of so he left."

"Must be hard, he's training to be a neurologist after all."

"How'd know that?" Great. Eren thought, another thing about Levi that he didn't knew.

"Who doesn't? He's popular in my place."

"Oh." Eren said as he absentmindedly took a sip of his latte.

"Anyways, I'm leaving soon since it's the end of my shift, you want to come with?"

"Yeah, sure." Eren smiled, "I'll wait for you."

* * *

"Hey. Did you wait long?" Marco smiled as he came out of the shop.

"No, but it's cold enough for me to freeze my ass off." Eren laughed.

Marco was wearing a green sweater and jeans that hugged tightly to his figure, and boy did they hug tightly. That ass would make Nicki Minaj's new song jealous, just, oh my god. Look at his butt. Her anaconda probably wanted buns like that.

"Eren?" Marco repeated.

"Huh, what, yes?"

"I said, we can go now." Marco chuckled. "And stop looking at my ass."

"Oh. Okay, sure." Eren led the way, blushing from head to toe. It was embarrassing enough that Marco had caught him checking him out.

"This is a pretty good campus," Marco said, "It's pretty neat with all the facilities and all."

"Well, since you came during our holidays, you haven't seen our classrooms yet, that's the best part." Eren smiled. "I take graphic designing and our classrooms have this interactive board screen that takes on one whole wall and we like to photoshop banana eyebrows on Mr. Erwin's face and post it on the interactive board."

"That sounds fun." Marco said, "I wouldn't know because I went to an all-boys school during my high school years. I had this cute junior though, he was brash and all but he knew how to crack jokes and make me laugh. It got me through a lot of things."

"What things?"

"I came out." Marco said silently, "I confessed to someone in my class and word got around pretty quick. He told everyone I was a fag and everything just went down from there. It was probably the worst years of my life but at least he helped me through it."

"Who?" Eren asked gingerly.

"It's-"

"Eren!" Armin's voice called and Eren turned around. "Mikasa called your phone thrice but you didn't answer so she got worried and called me to come get you. She said she was going to stay at Annie's house so to go and get dinner without you."

"Sure," Eren said, and cringed when he saw Armin and Jean linking arms together. Public Display of Affection was not his favourite thing, and his mind immediately went President Snow from The Hunger Games mode, "They're holding hands, I want them dead."

"Hi Eren's new friend." Armin waved, walking closer.

Eren lift his head up to meet Marco's gaze when he heard him inhale sharply. "Jean?"

"Wait, Marco?" Jean exclaimed, "Hey, oh my god, I haven't seen you in a long time."

"Yeah. It's been a while." Marco said.

"Marco, this is my friend, Armin, and his disgusting boyfriend, Jean." Eren introduced, "Though you might already know him."

"Yeah, I do. He's the junior I was talking about." Marco laughed, but it was those empty laughters Eren had came to know of. The ones that he used to hide everything when people asked about his parents. "Anyways, I need to go. Just remembered I forgot something. Sorry."

"Oh, okay. Bye. See you soon, I guess?"

"Yeah," Marco smiled, and left.

"That was awkward," Jean commented, "Anyways, I gotta go back to the dorms, Connie just called to complain another flooding incident in his toilet I'll text your later, 'Min."

"Okay, bye Pooh bear." Armin pecked his lips lightly.

"Oh my god my eyes, THEY BURN." Eren shrieked.

"Shut up, Jaeger." Jean yelled back.

* * *

"Welcome back, dipshit. I'm fucking hungry." Levi growled as Eren unlocked the door keys, "Food. Now."

"Calm down, sharknado. I'll wash my hands and you can help."

"Who said anything abut helping?"

"Yes, you are. You are not going to smooch off of me for food." Eren smiled, "what you want for dinner?"

"Chicken."

"Chicken Parmigiana it is." Eren washed his hands.

"Not clean enough." Levi grabbed both of his hands and washed them again, "You have to wash both of your hands together, the sides, underneath your fingernails, and the wrist. And then dry properly, not flick it the water onto the floor you will slip and have a concussion and die."

"Great to know," Eren said, and grabbed two pieces chicken breasts from the fridge.

"So how do we do this?" Levi said, looking at Eren.

"Help me beat one egg, pour some panko breadcrumbs and all-purpose flour onto some metal trays."

"Okay," Levi said, unsure. He decided to crack the egg first. This should be easy. He smashed the egg to one side, and laughed internally at the egg. Imagine it was his most hated enemy. Like the guy in his class who wouldn't wash his hair and liked to dig his nose and wipe it on the edges of his chair.

"LEVI. LEVI!" Eren yelled, looking at him. "The egg, Levi. The egg."

Levi looked down at the egg, it was smashed into smithereens and he looked up at Eren, and looked down again, looked up, down, up, down, up-

"Just pour some panko into the metal trays, and stop staring at the ingredients like you have a grudge with them. They're innocent." Eren joked.

Levi jabbed Eren's sides and Eren yelped, giggling.

"Stop, I-I'm ticklish."

Levi's eyebrows shot up in amusement, jabbing Eren's sides again.

"L-Levi, stop!" Eren laughed, his stomach was starting to hurt. "Seriously, we need to cook the chicken."

Levi sighed, though he hd to admit, the brat's yelp were kind of cute, and his giggles made him has this warm tingly feeling inside of him. Disgusting.

Eren was stirring the the pot of tomato sauce and he took a metal spoon and scooped out some to try. It was a little sour, so he added some sugar into it and turn to check on Levi. He had finished pouring the flour and breadcrumbs and had started to beat the egg Eren had cracked.

Eren grinned, taking the metal spoon again and smearing some all over his cheeks. "Leviiiiii, are my cheeks cute?" He said in a sickly sweet voice.

Levi stared at him in horror, "Do not get close to me or I will choke you."

"Leviiiiii," Eren grinned, "EAT MY SHIT." He pounced and smeared his cheeks on Levi's cheeks, and some got to his forehead and his nose and everywhere, to be honest, in the struggle.

"Eren, I will fuck you up." Levi stewed, and Eren liked that word, stewed, like food. Levi was food, and he laughed again, thinking that he was kind of in denial because he made Levi angry. "I will get you back brat."

Levi cleaned himself up with a rag and sighed, "You're so fucking childish."

Eren chuckled, "Yep." He dredged the pieces of chicken into the egg wash, bread crumbs and flour, and fried them in a frying pan.

Levi helped Eren wipe off his tomato stains.

"You're like a mum. Mama Levi!"

"No, Eren."

"Cooking adventures, with Cooking Mama Levi!" Eren laughed, "I look and sound very high right now, don't I?"

"Yes, yes you do, brat." Levi smirked.

Eren removed the pan from the heat, "Anyways thanks for your help, I got it from here. I'm the winner of masterchef 2014."

Levi shook his head, and walked out, "Gordan Ramsay is disappointed in you."

"No he isn't, he booty called me last night for phone sex!"

"Oh yeah, what did he ask?"

"He made me read out the ingredient list for tiramisu, 500 grams of mascarpone cheese, espresso, a packet of ladyfingers..."

"Brat, you're seriously grossing me out." Levi said, leaving the kitchen.

"Gordan Ramsay liked it!"

* * *

After a satisfying dinner with Eren playing 20 questions with Levi, which was basically him just asking Levi questions and Levi denying to answer and Eren guessing the answers.

He hummed as he turned on the television for the newest episode of Brooklyn nine-nine. Mockumentary of the NYPD, and his spirit character was Gina. Basically police comedy shows and Disney movies are his favourite.

He turned on Tumblr and scrolled through his dash reblogging some posts and liking a hell lot of them. Then he scrolled up, and braced himself for his overloaded 376 messages. 'You can do it Jaeger.'

_Oh my god what do you mean you have a crush on someone who is it???????_

_ITS RIVA CHAN ISNT ISNT IT??????_

_i wished it was rivaille but if it isn't it's still ok don't worry we will still root for u man!!!!!111111111!!!!_

_hey this is rivaille, i realised i was becoming sort of a dick to u and my friends told me that i should stop, so heres my apology. i rlly mean it, and i hope ull accept it. im just overly protective of disney characters and movies hence the url fyi_

Eren answered some of the questions privately, and quickly wrote a reply back to Rivaille.

_hey thx for the ask i accept the apology our fight was stupid anyways hope we can be good friends !!!!! my name is eri_

And that was kind of a start. It was just a message, but it was a start in a positive friendly relationship. Eren drummed his fingers on his laptop and waited for another reply from Rivaille. He scrolled through the rivari tag and liked some fan art that was featuring both of them in a compromising position. Eren did not pet himself as a virgin, he did masturbate to porn and is able to read a whole dialogue of dirty talk without flinching but the fan art has got to be another whole level. Every time he scrolled, it was always him moaning, his dick hard and Rivaille slamming deep into 'that area'. He blushed and refreshed his page, clicking on the inbox again.

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: yeah mine is rivaille it isn't my real name tho and im guessing urs isn't either. im ok with it just saying. my fav animated movies are tangled and mulan and frozen, wbu?_

_i feel bad for saying but i like the oldies, esp little mermaid and monsters inc and lilo and stitch im so pumped for big hero six to come out tho also isn't it surprising how we were fighting but now we're talking abt fav movies???? smh hahhahahahaa_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: im trying to be nice gdi. and yeah i cant wait for big hero six too. looks nice. also can i mention how its ur fault that there's more fan art of us fucking like rabbits??? i mean i love their art but this is taking it to another level._

_srry must be ur gay vibes and my hot sexy vibes radiating through our screen nothing can sedate them until we both have sex and write a essay about the whole night in detail_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: stfu anyways it's late and im reaching my ask limit i gtg ttyl ily bae_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: ok i take that back "ily bae" still doesn't suit my character_

_hahahhhahaa and what character is that?? lego!batman??? "i wear black and sometimes very very very dark grey??" ok gdnite ttyl homo dipshit baka_

"Hey Eren," Levi walked out of his room, "I'm pre-booking big hero six movie tickets right now, you interested in joining me?"

"Sure! I'll love to go!" Eren perked.

"Great, it'll be a date."

"A what?" Eren deadpanned.

"A date." Levi repeated and went back to his room, "Go to sleep, brat. It's way past your bedtime."

"Okay, mum."

Levi turned, "I'm not a regular mum, I'm a cool mum."

"Whatever, good night."

"Good night, brat. Don't get too scared to sleep in the dark."

Once Eren made sure Levi left, he quickly went on to Rivaille's tumblr.

_I KNOW U ARE ASLEEP BUT SOS HELP I COULD EVEN MORSE CODE SOS RN FUCK MY CRUSH JUST ASKED MY OUT ON A DATE URE MY ONLY FRIEND WHO DONT KNOW ANYTHING AND WONT RUIN OR FREAK OUT ON ME OR WHATEVER LIKE MY SISTER BUT HELP HE MEANT IT LIKE ITS A DATE BUT IS IT A ROMANCE DATE OR A FRIEND DATE LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON HDUENDINDEOXJIHIEHXHDJDKSNSKSNSKSNSJSJS HOW DO YOU GAY BRO???? HOW TO BE GAY AND FAB?? WHAT SHLD I WEAR??? FAKE BOYFRIEND FROM TUMBLR PLS HELP XOXO FRM UR FAKE HUSBAND ERI (ily bae)_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me at watersaugustus in tumblr and I track the tag fic; textposts and shipwars or fic; textposts
> 
> (also tiramisu frappe is rlly a thing in starbucks like they literally said that there was cheese flavoured cream and soaked biscuits and espresso like how godly is that and anyways if u don't get some references or if there is any errors pls do tell!!!! ily guys)


	6. Spilled Popcorn and First Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi go out on a date, but not before Eren makes a bet with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY!!!!! Chapter 6!!!! And oh my god 94 kudos!!!! AHHHHHH THANK YOU GUYS YOURE THE BEST ;A; this chapter took longer than I supposed so I hope you'll enjoy it! As always, thank you for supporting my series and leaving kudos and comments. I might take some time to respond to them, but I'll try my best!! Thank you all and a I hope you enjoy this chapter!

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: jfc just calm down ok????? what up? i assume the crush youre talking abt is the one u made that txtpost abt???? what did he invite u to? movie? dinner? proceed with caution just take baby steps_

_attackonphotography asked: he invited me to big hero 6!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH i cant i srlsy cnat i need to bretahE hLEP_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: ok wear casual clothes dont even worry abt it so if u see like a romantic moment just kiss him but don't be impulsive like anna in frozen and u get engaged to him in just one night_

_attackonphotography asked: ah so u do agree that anna was impulsive and stupid in that movie can i assume i won the textpost war then and gdi the date is in 10 hours i am not ready_

*humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: YES YOU R U R BORN READY go get them dude also another advice take baby steps: 1. say hi 2. suck his dick fyi i said impulsive not mediocre idiocy so u still havent won but keep trying *

_attackonphotography asked: lmao ok thanks dude ill keep that in mind_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: tbh the rivari fan girls shld be crying bc it's not my dick ure sucking_

_attackonphotography: stfu why are u so desperate for a blowjob????????_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: must be bc of ur asks stupidity turns me on_

_attackonphotography asked: shut up go jerk off to some stupid fan art of us or better yet castrate urself ure doing the world a favor_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: everyone loves my dick asshole. everyone._

* * *

"Good morning Levi!" Eren chirped as he made his way down to the living room. He greeted Levi when he saw him scrolling through his Mac. Those fingers, Jesus Christ. Slender and thin, but calloused at the edges. Those fingers running down his body, stroking his thighs, pinching his man breasts. Man breasts?

Eren shuddered. That was definitely a turn off. 'Man breast' added to 'banned dirty talk lists', check.

"Hey, I'm going off in a few minutes to meet with Hanji and gang for breakfast, so I don't need anything."

"Okay," Eren nodded, talking to his phone, he was scrolling through tumblr again, liking textposts such as _'who even have the time to frickle frackle i dont even have the time to snickle snackle"_ "I'll meet you at the cinema? I promised Armin I'll meet with him for brunch, and stuff."

"Okay," Levi said as he slid on his jacket, "see you later. And don't forget to masturbate all the sexual tension away, I don't want you popping boners in the cinema because any one of the characters have a nice voice."

"That was two weeks ago!" Eren blushed, "You're such a ass wipe. But it's expected because you can't stop slurring vulgarities and insults at other because you're such a dick."

"I can if I want to,"

"Not really, you'll probably eat your hand off first before restraining yourself from yelling."

"Shut up brat," Levi growled, "I exercise command, I can control myself."

"What is this, Fifty Shades of Grey?"

"That's a very bad book stop comparing me to that.

"What if we made a bet? You stop insulting me for the whole movie date, I get to cook for you breakfast, lunch, dinner for one week."

"And if I lose?"

"I get to kiss you. With tongue, 3 minutes tops."

"One month cooking period."

"Deal."

"You're going to regret this, brat."

"I can't wait, Mr Grey."

"No, seriously. I hate that book."

* * *

"So? How's the thing with Eri going?" Petra asked as she took a chip from the bag. Kettle's potato chips, organic sea salt. Yum.

"Yeah, Levi," Hanji laughed, "How's you and lover boy?"

"It's good, I talked to him, apologized. He accepted the apology. We've talked and made things up. It's been just two days and he's already asking me dating advices."

"That's so cute!!!!" Petra squealed. "You know, I made a AO3 fic about you and him, it has 230 kudos already in the span of two days."

"Petra, stop encouraging the fan girls, seriously." Levi sighed.

"It's brekkie, come and get it!" Hanji screamed as Mike plated two waffles, strawberries, blueberries, small squeeze of cream, and ample honey syrup onto a clean plate. Levi sort of clean. He made sure Mike spent at least 40 minutes wiping each plate before he deemed it clean enough to eat on.

"Instagram worthy," Petra cooed as she took pictures of the waffles.

"Thanks," Mike sniffed, and he sat down. "Yesterday Kenny taught as to use how to use the cast iron waffle pan, so I kind of get a hang of it."

"Oh my god, it's so good!" Hanji yelled, hugging the shit out of Mike, "I love these waffles! I could have like one, or two, or maybe one hundred until I starting snorting out waffles, I swear."

"Shut up, Hanji." Levi said. He took a bite of he waffles. It was crispy on the outside, soft and warm on the inside. The honey was gooey and the strawberries and blueberries were a little sour but it was nothing a little confectionary sugar couldn't handle.

Still he felt like something was missing, something that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Usually Mike's cooking was one of his favourite, he gave it a solid 10/10 but after eating Eren's cooking, it was different.

It was incomparable.

That thing that was missing, it was Eren. The way he smiled when he was cooking, the way he perked up when Levi said his cooking was good.

Levi sighed, god damn that brat was messing with his brains.

"Speaking of which, I brought Surgeon Simulator! We could tots' play it after we finish eating!" Hanji grinned.

"Someone shut that shitty four eyes up, she's giving me an ear infection."

"The only thing I'm giving you is a heart infection because you know you love me."

"I will show you what love is when I stick it up your ass."

"Oh Levi, I didn't know you were so bold. My girlfriend is still here, you know." Hanji motioned to Petra.

"You seriously should reconsider your choices, Petra."

"Shut up, Pet' loves me!"

"I do, Hanji. But not if you're eating with your mouth full." Petra giggled.

"Petraaaaaaaaaaaa..." Hanji groaned

"Finish your waffles and I'll convince Levi to play Surgeon Simulator with you,"

"Okay!" Hanji started wolfing down her waffles.

"Eat slower, or you'll choke." Mike sighed.

"She's like a fucking gremlin." Levi said, "No one feed her sugary stuff after 9 pm, she'll go crazy."

"Levi, now about the game..." Petra trailed off, "You'll play it, right?"

"What? No-" Levi stopped. Hanji deployed her secret weapon. And no, it wasn't her puppy eyes.

It was the fact that she was holding her butter knife straight, ready to attack.

"Yes, yes I will." Levi swallowed.

"Thank you, Pet'! I love you!" Hanji said through mouthfuls of waffles.

"Don't talk with you mouth full, it's disgusting." Levi clicked his tongue.

* * *

"So, remind me what time is your date with Levi again?" Armin said, munching through a bag of pretzels, and offered some to Eren.

Eren was not really a fan of pretzels, but he took it anyways because Armin's house was one of the healthiest he has ever seen. It was usually either organic granola bars or fresh fruits for snacks, and Eren deemed salted pretzels as one of the overly unhealthy food in Armin's house, so he accepted the offer.

"It's at 6, we're eating together first and then the movie starts at 8." Eren said, "Anyways, you really need to work on the snacks menu in your house, pretzels are not my type of thing."

"You say that, but you still eat it."

"It's the only food that exceeds 100 calories in this house, Arm'."

"If you want to die earlier because of a cholesterol buildup in one of your main arteries, go ahead, but I'm not going to risk years of my life for a bag of potato chips."

"It wouldn't kill you to just stock a few, I almost come to your house twice every week. I need my chips, or I would die."

"Eren, calm down. No, you won't." Armin sighed. "Anyways, back to the date. What are you going to wear?"

"T-shirt and jeans?"

"NO!" Armin screamed.

"What?" Eren screamed back.

"You know how I do these things, Eren Jaeger." Armin chided, "It's a date, date. No wearing casual clothes."

"Okay fine, what do I wear then?"

"Follow me, into the secret Hannah Montana fashion room!"

Eren cursed himself for having a gay friend.

* * *

"NO MOVE LEFT, LEFT, LEFT." Hanji screeched.

"I _AM_ MOVING LEFT YOU IMBECILE." Levi yelled back.

"THAT'S RIGHT, YOU PLASTIC TICKLE JELLYBEAR!"

"NO, THAT'S LEFT, YOU SHITTY FOUR GLASSES."

"NO, LEVI. NO. OKAY, NOW STOP MOVING AND GRAB THE CHAINSAW AT THE LEFT."

"THE CHAINSAW IS ON MY RIGHT."

"NO, I SAID LEFT."

"GO MEMORISE A COMPASS BEFORE GIVING ME ORDERS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT."

"STOP SCREAMING." Petra growled, shooting daggers at Hanji and Levi.

"Sorry, Petttttttttraaaaaaaa. Levi is just being a big bitch." Hanji cooed, putting down her controller. "You suck at surgeon simulator multiplayer."

"No I don't. You keep getting my right and your right wrong. It's the opposite, doofus."

"Alright, stop. Playtime is over."

"It's all your fault, Levi. Look! Instant death!" The screen popped opened a window saying, 'Instant death in 01m23s.' "You killed the patient. Bob's blood is on your dick!"

"It's hands, shitty glasses."

"Stop sassing me!" Hanji mocked cried.

"Okay, time out. Hanji go make yourself your famous Hanji Hot Chocolate, that should be better." Petra stroked Hanji's hair, "And Levi, change. You're not going to meet Eren like that."

"Wait, what?" Hanji asked.

"Petra, why did you say it?" Levi mocked hurt.

"I- oh fuck. Sorry." Petra sighed.

"What about Eren? What are you not telling me??? I DON'T LIKE SECRETS." Hanji cried.

"God damnit, Petra." Levi groaned, "I'm having a date with Eren."

"WHAT," Hanji screamed, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you'll overreact, including this other thing I'm going to tell you."

"Ooh, tell me! Are you going to rob a zoo? Oh by the way, don't kidnap the Beavers, their poo are very stinky." Hanji said.

"I made a bet with Eren, if I be nice to him all evening, he'll cook me food for all meals for one month. But if I lose, I have to make out with him for three minutes."

"OH MY GOD, HOLY JESUS." Hanji grinned, "You dirty, dirty, dirty man."

"That's why I didn't want to tell her."

"Sorry," Petra cringed.

"Although I don't see the bad thing about the whole deal. You win, you get good food, you lose, you still get good food, only in the form of Eren Jaeger's asshole."

"Stop. Oh my god." Levi facepalmed himself. Why was he friends with Hanji? He was pretty sure that was the epitome of questions.

"Anyways, Levi, go get changed, it's 5:00 already."

"I'll get the banana suit ready!" Hanji said.

"You just stay here, Hanji." Petra held her, "Run, Levi!"

Levi ran, and locked the door in five seconds flat. Behind him, the door handle was turning vigorously.

"But I bought that banana onesie for you, Levi. We were supposed to be matching." Hanji whined through the door, trying to force herself into the room.

"Maybe some other time, Hanji." Petra said.

"But I wanted to wear it with him, it's like my death wish, you know?" Hanji said.

"Yeah," Petra nodded, "I'll get him to wear it, Hanji, just not right now."

Levi could feel the evil, menacing inner laughter of Petra through the door. There wasn't anything Petra wouldn't do for Hanji.

* * *

"Okay, turn around." Armin said.

Eren turned.

Armin gasped.

Eren was wearing a white tee, layered with a denim jacket, paired with a black coat that reached until his thighs, and topped with denim jeans and boots.

"Eren Jaeger, Next top Model. Tyra Banks would be so proud." Armin whistled.

"I don't know, Arm'."

“It's better than tee shirt and jeans, besides, it shows off your figure." Armin said, "Go get them, tiger."

Eren felt cool in those clothes, he felt like he could fight ten thousands gay unicorns, he could slay it. He could be slay like Lady Gaga did. He was "Yassssss Gaga" material.

* * *

“You took long enough," Levi said as Eren reached the mall. "What happened? Your shit couldn't come out again? 'Eren Jaeger, what did I say about eating your vegetables?'” He said, copying the tone that Mikasa had said it in.

"It's just two minutes into the date and you're insulting me about my lateness, do you want me to count that as a strike one?"

"I wasn't, _Your Majesty_. I was just hypothetically guessing what happened to you, and giving reasons why you were late."

"Sure you were," Eren grinned. He looked at Levi, he was wearing a black overcoat, hiding the black tank top, and he was wearing black denim jeans and black colored boots, and just black, black and more black. "What are you? Lego Batman? I wear black, and sometimes very, very, very dark grey?"

Levi laughed.

"What?" Eren asked, cocking his head to a side.

"It's funny because this friend of mine said the same thing to me too."

"Okay, that's funny." Eren thought back to his conversation with Rivaille. "Since when do you have friends?"

"Eren Jaeger, you piece of-"

Eren coughed.

"You piece of sweet ass, chocolate donuts and everything that sparkles." Levi mocked grinned.

"Why don't you compliment me about my clothes that I'm wearing today?" Eren smiled.

"It's-"

"Bare in mind, the bet is still on."

"It's good. Honest. Bet or not, I like it."

Eren blushed.

"Let's go get something to eat before you explode." Levi chuckled.

"Pizza!" Eren whooped.

"No." Levi said.

"Ravioli?" Eren teased.

"Okay," Levi said. "I know this small Pasta restaurant near here."

Levi led the way, and he offered his hand out to Eren.

Eren hesitated before taking his hand, but when he did, he gripped it tightly.

Levi's hands were warm and strong, just liked he imagined, and he really hoped his own palms wouldn't sweat so much or it would be too embarrassing.

"Don't get any wrong ideas, I just don't want you to get lost,"

"I'm not," Eren blushed.

Levi chuckled.

* * *

Levi led Eren to a small, cosy restaurant at the middle of an alley. The wooden sign, illuminated by warm lights, read 'La Lune'.

Once he opened the small wooden door, a small bell chime rang, announcing the arriving guests.

"Welcome to La Lune!" A petite waitress greeted, "Table for two? Have you made any reservations?"

"Yeah," Levi said. "It should be under Levi."

"Oh yes," The waitress flipped through the thick reservation book, "Isabel and Farlan has been brought to notice about your arrival, please follow me."

Levi slipped off his coat and hung it on a coat hanger placed next to the door, and Eren followed suit. Levi padded down the aisle, following the waitress, to a table directly at the kitchen countertop, occasionally looking behind to make sure Eren wouldn't get lost looking at the deco and potpourri placed in the small restaurant.

"Can I interest you guys in any drinks?" The waitress asked.

"I'll just have whatever the chefs has in plan for us."

"I understand," The waitress said, and left to get their orders placed.

Eren looked around curiously, taking in the sights and smells. It was a comforting smell of garlic and sour notes of tomatoes, much like when his mother was still alive and made pasta a weekly thing. Before he knew it, he had a smile on his face.

Levi looked at the kid instead, much content at looking at his reaction to this place then whatever the hell Eren was looking. His eyebrows lifted when he saw the smile Eren had on his face, it was happy, but nonetheless it had this certain sadness to it, a sadness Levi was all too well familiar with.

"How did you find this place?" Eren asked, snapping Levi out of his thoughts.

"I was attacked by several gangs and was beaten up pretty badly and then I tried to run away then the two bosses of this restaurant found me, they saved me and I becomes blood sworn brothers with them and they are now part of my wolf pack." Levi said.

"What's the real story?" Eren groaned, "I'm serious."

"Since when were you ever?" Levi joked.

Eren cleared his throat.

"Farlan and Isabel, the two head chefs and founder of La Lune are my childhood friends in France. They came here to learn more about culinary."

"But isn't France like the epitome of culinary arts, though?"

"They said they wanted to learn more about new food, wanted to broaden their horizon."

"That sounds nice," Eren hummed.

"Thanks!" A chirpy voice thanked, and Levi and Eren turned around.

Eren saw a auburn-haired girl, tied into pigtails, and a blonde, his hair tied into a single pigtail. They both donned on white chef aprons, with the sleeves bundled up to their elbows. Their uniform was surprisingly pristine white, not a smudge of sauce or a splash of condiment on their uniforms.

"Bonjour, ma petite chouchou!" The girl said, hugging Levi.

Eren gulped, he knew what happened to people who hugged Levi. They didn't exist in this world anymore. He shut his eyes and prayed for the best for the girl.

Surprisingly, Levi returned the hug.

"Je vous ai manqué," Levi said, looking at the both of them.

"Nous aussi!" The boy said, laughing, "Qui est-ce?"

"Eren," Levi replied, his voice deep and laced with a strong accent. That was the first time Eren had heard his voice like that, sexy and dark.

"Yeah, I'm Eren." Eren replied, clearing his throat.

Both of the girl and boy turned to look at him, apparently shocked that he knew French.

"I take it as a elective module." Eren explained, but I can only understand most of what you're saying, not all of them though. And I sure as hell can't say it."

The boy chuckled, "Il sonne bien."

Levi laughed dryly, "Oui."

"Je parie que vous pensez de toutes les choses que vous pouvez faire pour sa bite." The girl giggled, looking at Eren up and down. "I'm Isabel."

"Farlan," the boy introduced.

"Nice to meet you," Eren offered a hand to them to shake, "What was the bet thing about?"

"Huh, what?" Isabel asked.

"You said in French that you'd bet something. I didn't understand the rest."

"I wonder..." Isabel hummed, and shook Eren's hand. "But you're so cute! You and Levi will make such a great pair."

"What?" Eren choked.

"No? I mean, he never brings people that he doesn't like to La Lune. It's like his secret hideout."

"You're the second person he'd brought here," Farlan said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh," Eren ran his hand through his hair, "I'm not his boyfriend, just a dorm mate."

"Is that so," Isabel said, "Well, nevermind. Since that Levi invited you here, we might as well make it a hell of a night. For Eren, I have a light Caesar salad, German Potato Cheese soup, and Pesto and Basil Fettucini with pan seared salmon crusted with black sesame seeds, cracked black pepper and sea salt. Lastly, completed with Panna Cotta with a wild berry compote. The wine I recommend with this is Chardonnay."

"And for Levi, a caprese salad, with garlic infused olive oil vinaigrette, minestrone, and our traditional Ravioli, filled with spinach and cream cheese, tossed with tomato marinara. Lastly, dessert are crepes with strawberries, topped with blueberry gelato. I recommend Pinot Gris or Merlot." Farlan added, "Well, but nevertheless, you always go with Champagne."

"It's okay," Levi replied, "I'll go with the Merlot today."

"Okay, just sit tight, we'll have your food soon. I hope you enjoy your night with Eren. Also, call us sometimes, we miss you. We need to hang out and fly kites or summon Satan together sometimes."

Eren smiled, looking at the three of them was like looking at him with Mikasa and Armin. They were all three best friends who could depend on each other. Minus the summoning of Satan part.

"Okay, okay. Get your ass back to the kitchen. I don't want you burning my fucking food."

"Like we would," Isabel scoffed.

"We never, ever burn food." Farlan agreed.

* * *

"Oh my god. Oh my god, Levi. This, I just, I can't."

"Just hang in there," Levi grunted, "For me?"

"I can't, I can't anymore, I'm gonna-" Eren moaned.

"Yes you can, brat." Levi growled, thrusting faster and faster. "I'm not done yet, so are you."

"Just listen to both of you. You sound like a fucking Fifty Shades of Grey book."

"What the fuck, Farlan?" Levi said, thrusting the spoon into his mouth furiously. It was the last two bites of gelato, and he was dead on finishing the fucking waffles like his life depended on it. Nothing can bring him down, not even delicious food. His whole tummy was filled with food before but, jesus fuck it was so good that he had to finish it or he would have failed the academy.

"I seriously, I can't." Eren whined, "My belly is so full of potato soup, I can't. This Panna Cotta is seriously so good but I am so full."

"You have a inlet and outlet, brat. Just eat the food, you'll shit it out later."

"My outlet's kind of closed off right now."

"Aww, c'mon, Levi. Stop being so mean to your new beau." Isabel teased.

"He's not my 'new beau'." Levi mimicked two air quotes with his fingers, ' _besides this is the only way I can tease the brat this whole night._ ' he thought.

"Anyways, you should get going, movie time is right about now." Farlan reminded.

The restaurant was cleared of people then, Farlan and Isabel decided to close the restaurant earlier because they'd wanted to go home earlier to test out new dishes for their monthly new launch menus.

The bell chime rang, announcing the arrival of customers. "Welcome to La Lune! I'm sorry but we're closed for the night, we open at 10 am tomorrow, though."

"NOBODY IS GOING ANYWHERE." The voice boomed, "I can't believe you're going to watch Big Hero 6 without me!"

"Hanji," Levi rolled his eyes. Of course it would be Hanji. He cringed and eyed her girlfriend, who'd tagged alone to control her psychotic girlfriend. "I _don't_ want to watch a movie with you because I know you will spoil me at every turn. You told me Rue was going to die when we were watching The Hunger Games."

"But I won't now," Hanji begged, "Just let me tag along with you."

"Since when have you ever listened to my orders? Sad to say, even if I said no, you would still sneak into the cinema and watch it with me."

"No, not anymore." Hanji smirked, "Pet' told me to at least ask you, and if you said yes, I could go, but if I said no, she'll drag me home."

"It's a no." Levi pinched his nose bridge.

"You evil shit stain shortie!" Hanji cried, "I'm your best friend!"

"Technically, we are?" Isabel cut in, "Levi just take the tickets and leave." She brandished two movie tickets and handed it over to Levi.

"No one is watching Big Hero 6 without me!" Hanji said. "No. One."

She sprinted for the tickets before Petra could stop her and yanked the tickets off of Isabel's hands.

"Hanji!" Petra warned, but Hanji didn't listen. She turned and fell first face onto the table Eren and Levi were eating in. Petra gasped and ran to her girlfriend, "I told you to stop, didn't I?"

Petra wiped the Panna Cotta off of Hanji's face and Eren's face fell.

"All that delicious Panna Cotta. All gone."

"Sorry, Eren." Hanji smiled apologetically. Petra glared at Hanji and Hanji sighed, "Okay, sorry. You can have the tickets back."

She handed the ticket back to Levi.

"Hanji." Levi said in a monotone voice. "What is this on the ticket?"

Hanji dabbed her finger onto the movie stub, and brought it to her mouth to taste. "Taste like wild berries and sugar... Wild berries compote? Oh my god it taste so good."

"I know what the fuck it is," Levi growled, "You've got fucking blood on my tickets. I was going to collect the stubs to every ticket and you're telling me, you got fucking blood on my stub?"

"It's not blood, it's berries." Hanji corrected.

"Blood of my tears, that's what it is."

"Okay, okay." Eren tried to ease the tension, "You'll just keep my stub then, let's get going before we're late. I wanna catch the advertisements before the movies, those are the good parts."

"Shitty four glasses." Levi said before taking Eren's hand and leaving.

* * *

Levi and Eren reached the cinema, and Levi presented the tickets. The ticket collector raised a eyebrow at the stubs.

"It's just a stain from the dinner we had. I'm not that desperate to watch Big Hero 6 that I had to kill someone for it."

"Oh, it' not that, sir." The guy said, "It's just, your ticket was due for yesterday."

"What?"

"It says here, that it was due on the 28 of December, which was yesterday?"

"You've got to be fucking with me." Levi groaned, "Farlan got the fucking dates wrong. I asked him to preorder because I was too lazy to."

"Well, maybe you've should've did it yourself so we could actually make sure we had a movie to watch?" Eren said.

"Well, sorry for being a lazy ass. I was too busy studying for my courses, unlike some bum that I didn't know."

"That's against the bet, and you know it."

"So what?" Levi glared at Eren, "I'll fucking say it, kid. You're a fucking idiot. You play games all day, pop boners at your weird kinky fetishes, laze your day away, try to fucking worm your way into my life. But you know what? It's not going to work. This bet about me being nice to you? I'll lose if I fucking have to. Because you're an annoying dipshit, with a dead disappointed mother, and a drunken dad. Instead of whining your problems to people, why not actually try to make your life better? But you can't because you're just a miserable piece of ass, and it's no wonder your dad hates you. I would too."

Eren choked at his reply to Levi. How could he? "You know, I told you about my family because _I trusted you._ But I didn't ask you to turn that back and spit in my face. You think I don't know how pathetic I am? My own dad constantly reminds me of it. I don't need another asshole in my life telling me about it." Eren stormed off, going back to the dorms.

* * *

"What the fuck did you say to my brother?" The next day, Mikasa confronted Levi. "He won't eat, he won't come out of his room, he doesn't even say anything apart from yes or no."

Levi shrugged, putting down his cup of coffee.

"What did you say to him?" Mikasa spat out the words, "If you hurt my brother, I will never forgive you."

"Fine, I'll go check on him."

Levi knocked on Eren's door, "It's me, brat. Open up."

Levi heard shuffling from behind the door, and then silence. He took it as a no, and turned to look at Mikasa, who was staring daggers at him. He sighed and turned the door knob, finding that the room was unlocked.

Eren was lying on the bed, his back facing Levi. All his curtains were drawn, and books and papers were strewn all over the floor. The rug were dirtied with crumbs and spilled soda, and that room had a murky scent to it. Levi took extra careful of where he stepped, afraid that he would step on something dirty like Eren's underwear or something.

"Hey brat," Levi sat on the empty side of the bed and looked at Eren over his shoulder, "You're stupid actions are making your sister worry."

"Well, sorry for being stupid." Eren's voice were stuffy and he sniffed. Stupid brat must've stayed up late crying.

"I'm sorry," Levi said. "I mean it. You know how I am. Last night was horrible. Well, the food was great, but Hanji dirtied my movie stub, and we didn't get to see Big Hero 6. I was pissed off and I had to vent my anger somewhere, and you were within my vicinity so I just lashed out at you. That's unfair of me, and I'm sorry, kid."

"Well," Eren sniffed, rising up to meet Levi's gaze. "I forgive you."

"Okay, problem solved. Now get out of your fucking room and appease your sister."

"But you still lost your end to your bet so you owe me a kiss."

"No way,"

"You agreed to it. It was a blood pact!"

"It wasn't a blood pact, brat." Levi pinched his nose bridge again. He seemed to be doing this lately. "And I didn't mean it like that. I'm not going to swap saliva with you if your mouth's not clean."

"I'll clean it," Eren exclaimed, getting out of his bed, "Just wait for me here."

Eren went into the toilet. He made sure to brush three times, floss four times, and rinse his mouth with Listerine two times. He made sure his teeth was so white, Colgate would get him to be their spokesperson, and got back to his room.

"Okay, what about now?"

Levi grunted a "Okay," and Eren sat back onto the bed, facing Levi. He fidgeted with his hands and glanced up at Levi at second intervals.

"So. How do we do this? Do we just punch your lips with my lips or do you make it a big deal-"

Levi rolled his eyes and pulled Eren closer to him. Levi brought his lips to meet Eren's, and he closed his eyes. Eren did the same equally. Levi tasted like coffee, his lips were soft, chapped at the edges. Levi ran his tongue along Eren's mouth, before their tongue intwined together. Eren felt his heart beating frantically, and shifted uncomfortable. His pants were getting tighter and tighter by the second. Eren moaned into the kiss, and broke away from Levi, breathless. He touched their foreheads together, and Levi laughed against Eren's lips. His cheeks were flushed, and his breathing uneven. Eren dared to lift a hand to touch his wrist. He could feel Levi's frantic heartbeat against his own, and he grinned.

"I won the bet," Eren whispered.

"Whatever, kid." Levi shook his head, getting off the bed, "Time to go wash my mouth, your toothpaste sucks. Change it to another flavour."

"But I like blueberry flavored toothpaste." Eren pouted.

Levi snickered, "Not bad for a first kiss." He shut the door behind him as he left.

* * *

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: how was ur date?????_

_attackonphotography asked: I KISSED HIM I KISSED HIM I KISSED HIM AHHHHHHHHHH HE SAID IT WAS GOOD AND HE SAID HE WOULD DO THAT AGAIN 10/10 RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO GOOD_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: aw congrats!!!!!!!! so cute btw ship u and him :') last long!!!!111!!!_

_attackonphotography asked: is that sarcasm_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: yea i hope u guys break up soon no one can be happy if im not happy i dont have a boyfriend_

_attackonphotography asked: look up grindr a lot of guys will come if u just turn on the blowjob finder signal_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: ihy and ur homo talk no homo PLS_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: eri???_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: r u ok why ure not replying_

_humanitiesstrongestdisneyfan asked: ure on ask limit aren't u jfc smh_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I track the tag fic; tpasw and fic; textposts and ship wars on tumblr. You can find me as watersaugustus on Tumblr too
> 
> (Hsishddjjddkj omg that kiss scene was driving me crazy I soent 15 minutes researching on ways to write a kiss scene, shsindidjsis I hope it's all okay and stuff! Also the French was literally translated from Google, so if I have any typos or errors, please feel free to comment on it!)


	7. Grindr Apps and LINE Messages (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lazy bug is back.

Eren woke up to music blasting from the speakers in the living room. Normally he wouldn't be bothered with it and he would go back to sleep but, oh no. Not _this_ song. Not when High School Musical's "We're All In This Together" was playing. He slipped on a white shirt, and brandished out his lucky titan underwear. 

He started humming into the chorus when he heard a door closing. It didn't take him much to know that it was Levi's door. Eren scrunched up his face on instinct, what did he do with Levi yesterday? He went with him to a dinner date, then a movie (that they technically haven't watched) and then they kissed. _Kissed_.

Eren's cheek started flushing and he opened the door. Levi was in the kitchen, cracking some eggs and making breakfast.

"H-hey! How's it crackin', good lookin'?" Eren chuckled nervously. Why was he so nervous talking to Levi. God. It's just Levi, the person you had a good date with and kissed yesterday night, no biggie. 

Levi turned around and lifted an eyebrow at him, " _Good lookin'_?"

"You know, because you look good and-"

"I know what it means, I just didn't think you would use this word on me. Or the pun. Don't think I forgot about it."

Eren laughed, "But you liked it, right?"

"It was _egg_ citing, to say the least."

"Aww, I knew it would catch on!" 

"Don't let it get to your head, kid."

"Trust me, I will. 100%."

And... then everything turned really awkward again. Levi went back to mixing his eggs, and Eren went back to watching Levi beating said eggs. The tension in the atmosphere was so awkward Eren wanted to hide and never come out. That kiss. Did it mean something to Levi? Eren knew it was a joke, a bet, not even once did the both of them said it had something to do with romance. But Eren couldn't hide it. He couldn't hide how much he liked that kiss between the two of them. It was something to him, but what did Levi think about that?

" _I wished I could read minds_." Eren thought.

"Why?" Levi asked.

"D-Did I just said that out loud?"

"You sure did." 

"N-Nothing." 

"C'mon kid, what's eating you?" Levi reached out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Eren's hear unconsciously.

Oh. _Oh_. Levi thought. _That's_ what's eating him. 

It wasn't hard to figure out, once Levi even reached out to touch his hair, Eren turned bright red. He looked like he was going to explode. 

"You need to cut that shit out." Eren mumbled.

Levi grinned, "Why?"

"Because."

"Because?"

Eren gave out an annoyed grumble, "Look, Levi. We both know what happened last night. I felt it, you felt it. Maybe. What are we? Because I know friends don't kiss like that."

"Sex friends does." Levi joked.

"Levi!" Eren yelled, exasperated "Now's not the time for that. Look, I'm just saying. I like you. I suck at things like relationships, but I want to try it out. With you."

Levi sucked in his breathe. "Look, kid. I'm a senior in this university. Once our dorms are fixed, I need to go back. We're in different faculty, we've only met like, months ago-"

"So this is a holiday to you?"

"No, that's not what I said. Just let me finish-"

"But that's what you meant."

"Eren-" Levi reached out to his hand.

"Don't touch me." Eren spat, wrenching his hands away, almost like he was touching pure acid. "That kiss meant something to me, Levi."

"I know, Eren. Just let me finish-"

"Fuck you." Eren turned around and slammed the door behind him. He just had to go somewhere, anywhere, away from Levi.

* * *

 

Eren walked down the streets of the campus, but it wasn't long before he was sniffling and his feet were freezing. "God damnit, climate change."

He sat down on a nearby bench and recalled what just went down in the kitchen just now. Why was he so stupid, he should've stayed behind to listen to what Levi had wanted to say. But all Eren could think of Levi saying was "It's impossible" or "No, we would never work." And Eren didn't know if he could have the strength to let Levi go. How did he end up loving this man so much?

"Eren?" A voice called and Eren looked up.

"Marco?"

"What are you doing here?" Marco laughed and walked closer, "Almost couldn't recognise you, since you were hunching like you were deep in thoughts and all."

"Oh, you know, just being plain old Eren Jaeger." Eren smiled weakly

Marco laughed, "So I'm guessing the guy who's making you like this is Lord Voldemort?"

"Obviously." Eren rolled his eyes, "It's like, Jesus decided to take all the world's sins and then transfer it right into Levi, only with the exception of his voice, I think he was blessed only with a good voice. Though, it's not really his fault this time."

Marco hummed in response, and looked at Eren, "You're shivering."

"Yeah, I've kinda been here since like, 1 hour ago?" Eren checked his watch.

"Let's go to my dorm, if you want?" Marco said, "Warm tea, gingerbread cookies, and movie marathon?"

"Deal." Eren grinned.

* * *

Eren borrowed a sweater from Marco, it was a tight fit, but he could still breathe in it, so he deemed it okay. It was just a white sweater with a fox on it, and the words "No one can catch the motherfucking fox"

"Sorry, everything's so messy. I just moved in." 

"Nah, don't sweat it."

Marco bought out chamomile tea in two large porcelain mugs and passed one to Eren. Eren took it gingerly and cupped it in his two hands. "So what movie do you have in mind?"

"I was guessing a Channing Tatum marathon, because hot damn, he has the most amazing hot bod, in. _The. Whole. Wide. World_." Marco accentuated every of his last words.

Eren chuckled, "Okay, okay. But we are going to marathon 21 and 22 Jump Street if you want to watch his movies."

Marco turned on netflix and chose 21 Jump Street. Eren was glued to the screen the whole time, laughing at parts that was funny, and dancing to the grooves, he even mimicked some quotes from the movie.

" _What kind of sick animal animal draws an ejaculating penis into a 8-year-old's mouth?"_   Eren quoted, looking at Marco, daring him to continue it.

Marco didn't back down, he had watched this movie 25 times after all,  _"It's arguably like an airplane throwing up."_

 _"You think I don't know that's a dick and balls? I know all about dicks and balls! I partied with Robert Downey Jr, before he got sober. When he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!"_ Eren cackled, "That line gets me every time."

"You're a sinful, sinful man, Eren Jaeger."

"What can I say? I'm totally in for the dick." 

"You know there's actually another place full of dick," Marco teased.

"What?"

"Grindr." Marco took out his phone and turned on the Grindr, turning on his "I'm available" signal.

"No way," Eren laughed, "Marco, oh my god."

"Wow, 30 replies in 1 second. I'm  _that_ popular." 

"What do they all say?"

"Let me read it out,  _so baby are you ready for a white hot dick in you?_

_I'm horny and a little hard, pic? :p_

_hey whats up?? im so fkin horny hahhaha"_

"Do you reply to them?" Eren asked "They're such assholes."

"Yeah, I mostly just pull a prank on them, here look at this."

 **fuckboi:**  im so horny lol

 **marco101** : Congratulations! You have been subscribed to Daily Titan, the one and only daily Titan Texting Service! $3.99 will be added to your monthly bill.

 **fuckboi:** wtf lol stop show picture pls

 **marco101** : Congratulations! The keyword PICTURE has upgraded your monthly subscription! $7.99 will be added to your bill. To cancel your subscription, please text STOPTITANS

 **fuckboi** : what STOPTITANS

 **marco101** : Congratulations! The keyword "TITANS" has upgraded your monthly subscription to a platinum subscription of one text per hour! To cancel your subscription, text STOPTITANS

 **fuckboi** : STOPTITANS

Eren was on the verge of crying when he read that, "Oh my god, stop I'm laughing so hard."

"That's how I deal with assholes," 

"If only they were that easy to deal with in real life." Eren laughed.

"Eren, I don't know what Levi had said to you, and really it's not my place to say such things, but I've seen how you look at him. You like him. Maybe he'd done something wrong, but he probably regrets it a lot. People say things they don't mean, and Levi isn't an exception, even though he's the biggest asshole I've ever known."

Eren looked down and grabbed his mug in his hands. "I know. It's just, complicated."

"Eren Jaeger, you totally sound like a Valley Girl right now." Marco teased. "I get it. But if you're going to have to live with Levi for now, it's best to talk about it. Don't keep anything between each other. That's what friends do, anyways."

"But what if it doesn't work? I don't know how to talk to someone about my feelings. I can only last 5 minutes before I'm hitting them in the face. Hard."

Marco cringed, "Eren! That's not helping anyone!"

"I get it! I was joking, geez."

"You could, you know, make a safe word?"

"What?"

"Like in Fifty Shades of Grey, you know, the girl and Mr Grey... they made a safe word in case things in the bed room goes really, really intense."

"How do you even know what goes on in the books?"

"I might've read it. Probably."

"Oh my god, Marco."

"See, you can make a safe word, like think of the nastiest, cruelest thing, the ultimate thing you hate most in your whole life. And then if that time comes where you don't feel like saying anything anymore, just say it and run out of there."

Eren thought for a long second and proceeded to say "Scar."

"What?"

"Scar. The lion in Lion King? The one that killed Mufasa?" Eren scrunched up his nose.

"Scar? A disney character?"

"Yep! I love Disney!"

"Are you 5?"

"You don't have to be 5 to like to watch Disney films!"

 "Well, anyways, Disney movies or not, I think you should reply to all the messages you're getting, your phone's being going on and off."

"Why didn't you tell me!!!!"

"I was scrolling through Grindr!"

"Marco!"

Eren unlocked the screen to his phone, but not without taking a peek at his wallpaper. It was still Tadashi from Big Hero 6, but what could he said? Tadashi was a big fluffy marshmallow.

 **Rivaille** : Eri pick up your phone.

 **Rivaille** : Something happened.

 **Rivaille** : Something bad.

 **Rivaille** : Just answer me as soon as you get this

 **Rivaille** : Are you sucking your boyfriend's dick that's just gross. How could you abandon your friend like this

 **Rivaille** : Eri please

 **Rivaille** : ANSWER ME

 **Rivaille** : If you don't I'm going to list down all un-accurate facts from Disney. That'll piss you off.

 **Rivaille** : Walt Disney sold fried chicken-

Eren scrolled down to the bottom, he had exchanged LINE with Rivaille after he was on ask limit last night.

 **Eri** : wassup

 **Rivaille** : Thank god you're here

 **Eri** : i'm at a friend's but i'm free sooooo

 **Rivaille** : Something happened. Something bad happened. Everything is fucke, I'm fucked. FUCK.

 **RIvaille** : Fuck*

 **Eri** : ok chill lmao tell me what happened

 **Rivaille** : I told my crush.

 **Eri** : uhuh

 **Rivaille** : Ok no, I didn't tell, but my crush told me he liked me.

 **Eri** : and that's good news YAY!! totally different from what happened to me today :(

 **Rivaille** :

 **Rivaille** : We're getting back to you later but. Ok. So my crush didn't finish hearing what I said and left. Now I don't know where they are.

 **Eri** : what?? WHAT HPPAPANED??

 **Eri** : OHHH MY GOODDDDDD

 **Rivaille** : I know!!!!! I wanna message my crush but I don't know what to say

 **Eri** : Ask them where they are duhhhhh

 **Rivaille** : What if they don't listen

 **Eri** : then keep calling till they do

 **Rivaille** : OK? That's all?

 **Eri** : das all

 **Eri** : by the way what's ur crush like :D

 **Rivaille** : Shut up, I'm messaging them now

 **Eri** : oooooohhh

 **Eri** : are u sending "can i suck your dick"?

You're blocked by this user. You can no longer send messages to them anymore.

Eri: unblock me asshole

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg guys I'm finally back!!!!! The last two-three years has been quite hectic for me due to school and things but now I'm definitely back in business since it's the holidays. I hope I'll be here to stay and I'll work hard on finishing this fic!!!!
> 
> I recently (not really) started another Ereri fic, about demons and what not so if you're interested please check that out too!
> 
> Also, sorry for this really short and uneventful chapter, I'll be posting the next chapter a few days later (Hence the part 1) because this isn't the end yet!!!! 
> 
> Reviews and kudos are greatly appreciated!


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